Journey To Sara

Updates on the last few months

2007-08-09T21:46:00.000-05:00

WOW! Have I got alot of writing to do!
I apologize for not keeping up with my blog. It has been a hectic summer.
Thank you to those who have left comments. It is always great to hear from whomever is reading this blog.
I suppose I will begin with Mothers Day.
On this day, it was bitter/sweet for me. I enjoyed opening the home-made gifts from the kids. This was the first Mothers Day, I had received a hand-made gift from Sara. This was possible because she had begun pre-school. Sara was so excited about giving me the gift and watching me open it. She looked so proud of herself. She was really good about keeping it a secret and not telling me what it was. She had to keep it a secret for almost 4 days. She was ready to burst by Sunday! Sara made me this goodie plate. On the plate there were 3 mini-baskets that each contained something different...........little bath oils, candy and 3 smooth stones that were engraved with the words, love, faith and believe. She had painted and decorated everything. It was awesome to receive such a gift. I even took pictures of my first Mothers day gift from Sara. She also said, "Appy Moder Day Mommy!" I love you and I so appy you my foever mamma. She brought tears to my eyes and made my heart sing.

I really missed not getting my red roses that day from my Philip. It is difficult not having him around on special occasions...........but there are always people who really care and speak many words through there actions.............it makes it alittle easier to put my best foot forward.
I received a lovely flower arrangment from my sister Giovanna and brother-in-law Silvo. I also had my good friend Bill stop by and give me a beautiful hanging basket of red impatient flowers (my favourite colour!). He said he wanted to do it, just incase the kids forgot and because he knew Philip always gave me something on Mothers Day. I also received many phone calls from family and friends. This was all appreciated more then you'll ever know...........Thank-you.

We had a really nice afternoon at my mom and dads place. Dad made an excellent bar-b-q, as always. The kids and I and nonno & nonna, played the game, "bocce ball", in the back yard. We had alot of fun together.

The month of June...........
This was a difficult month for me and the kids especially.
About 4 days before Fathers Day, Philip's stone was finally placed on his resting spot. Sara and I call it "Daddy's spot", when we talk about it or we decide to go and visit. I received a phone call to inform me that the stone had been installed. I decided to go and visit, with all 4 kids with me. Anthony (my oldest) was not really wanting to go. He was having the hardest time with it. He didn't want to come out of the car when we arrived and decide to look from afar inside the car. I didn't force him to come out with the rest of us. We visited for about 1/2 an hour.
Fathers Day was another difficult day. We came back home at the end of the day from our camp-site. They were distracted all day with there camp-ground friends, which worked out well. We went to visit "Daddy's spot" again and the kids placed there hand-made gifts there. I told them today was the day to think about the wonderful things Daddy did for them and to be thankful for the time they had with him. I told them never to forget how lucky they were to have had a father who loved them more then anything in the world. It was a difficult time, but we got through it.......together.

Sometime near the end of June, I decided to go grocery shopping one day. It was just me and Sara. We were having a pretty nice day together. I did all my shopping and we were headed back home when Sara called me. I answered, "Yes Sara". I will never forget what she said, just out of the blue.............."Mamma, I so happy you adopted me. I so proud you are my mamma forever. I love you mommy."...............My eyes began to fill with tears. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. The most amazing and sweetest things come out of her mouth sometimes. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve to be the mother of this beautiful child. I feel so lucky. My response was, " Oh Sara...I'm so happy you were the one I got to adopt......I'm so proud to have adopted you and I'm so proud of you too. I love you very much".
What an excellent and memorable day that was.
The whole month of June was spent finishing the last month of school , swimming in our back-yard pool, family events and spending weekends in our camper at the campsite.

The month of July..............
In the first week of July, the kids and I left on a road trip with my sister and brother-in-law in their 40 ft motor-home. We visited Newfoundland, Halifax and Quebec City. This was a trip that Philip and I had talked about taking. Philip really wanted to to bring the kids to NFLD for the first time to show them how beautiful it was and to finally introduce them to his dear "newphie" friends that he loved so much. He also wanted to bring them to visit Halifax. We were supposed to be travelling together with our 5th-wheel camper and Giovanna & Silvo with their motor-home. It was decided that we would definitely do this. I knew how much Philip wanted to do this and I knew how much our NFLD friends wanted us to come. This is why I accepted Silvo and Giovanna's offer to go together with them in their motor-home. Thank-you Giovanna and Silvo for evrything! I did this in memory of Philip and I know he would have wanted us to carry on his dream. I'm so glad I decided to go.
Jan and George (2 of our friends) were thrilled to know we were coming, when I called. We had an excellent time with everyone there. I felt right at home with them and so did my 4 kids....100% The kids even stayed over-night at Kim & Perri's(couple of doors down from Jan & George's) house numerous times. I thought It was so nice of them to do that. It was very heart-warming to be with everyone there again. They just put us all under their wing and took care of us. The days passed too quickly and we were sad to leave after 5 days and then 2 days in the breath-taking national park, called, Grosmore Park ,just hours away. My kids did not want to leave. If they had the choice ........they would have stayed there at least another week. Everyone there was great. One day we went out on Terry & Shirl's fishing boats to see the massive and amazing ice-bergs and lobster fishing. It turned out to be a beautiful day. We then took the lobster they caught to Edith & Terry's cabin and had the most delicious feast accompanied by home-made white wine chilled with a piece of ice-berg ice. On another special day, George was kind enough to take the boys and Silvo on 4-wheelers in the bush and show them all the cabins that they stayed at when Philip came moose hunting every fall. He also showed them the spot where they caught a moose. I could go on and on. I'm really glad I decided to go because it gave the kids a chance to feel connected to their father. The kids and I would love to come visit again. I would like to say thank-you to everyone who made our stay in NFLD so special.

We also had a great time in Halifax. We visited with Giovanna& Silvo's good friends Kathy & Jeff and their 3 awesome kids. They often come to visit Giovanna & Silvo. I found Halifax to be a very beautiful province to visit. Kathy and Jeff were awesome. Kathy was always cooking up a storm and one meal was always more delicious then the one before.(especially Kathy's famous clam chowder!!) They also took us to see many places like Peggy's Cove, Downtown Halifax, one of the beaches ( brrrr! coldest beachwater I ever felt!) and many other places. It was nice to finally visit their beautiful & unforgetable home, they had built on their own, inside and out.
Sara enjoyed discovering & collecting her "jewels" in there back-yard sandbox. Apparently Kathy spread tons of coloured glass beads in the sand box and Sara thought she had found a treasure! Well she has now decorated our large planter with them in our front entrance. It actually looks quite nice. Thank-you Jeff and Kathy for all your kindness. I hope to see you's again soon.

After Halifax, we off to the church of St. Anne De Beau Pre in Quebec city. We spent the afternoon exploring the church and its surroundings.It looked like one of those beautifully ornate churches in Europe. It was just amazing. We also kneeled at the alter and quietly prayed for our family to have the strength to continue life together with much love for one another. At one point I quietly cried to myself as I prayed to St. Anne ( was Jesus' grandmother). Afterwards we went to a campsite and rested up. The next morning we left with a shuttle bus, which took us to 'Old Quebec City'. We spent the day site-seeing, shopping and eating at a great restaurant. I really liked it. It had cobble-stone everywhere and had musicians and entertainers on every corner. There were artist outdoors, selling their paintings. It was full of streets that were constantly being travelled by horses and buggies. They looked very inviting, especially because we were so tired out walking the streets of Old Quebec City. In some areas it is very hilly and steep. You want to talk about a good work-out! well! that's the place to go. We ended up leaving the camp-site the next morning and we arrived home late that afternoon.
It was a good trip, but we were all glad to be back home.

Well now we have arrived in August. Soon I'll have to start preparing the kids for their new school year. Sara will begin junior kindergarten. She is very excited about it. She's been asking everyday about what day she will finally be able to go! Sara and I will go on Sept. 6th to meet her new teacher and to see her new classroom. The school wants to give the kids an opportunity to first become acquainted with the teacher, program & procedures. Sara will actually begin school on Tues. Sept. 11th. Wow! I can't believe she's starting J-K ! I'm so grateful to have had Sara at home for alittle over a year, before starting school.
Well I've got to go now. I'll try to post alot sooner. Have a great rest of the summer everyone!
Looking forward to reading your comments.
All the best,
Gina

May updates on Me and the Family

2007-05-11T13:33:00.000-05:00

....................ME.............

This week has been alittle emotional for me. Quite a few times I have not been able to hold back my tears. I had already guessed that as soon as Spring began that it would become alittle more difficult for me and I think the kids too. Spring and summer were the 2 seasons that we did alot of family stuff and just simply being around each more together. I've been also thinking alot about the things that just Philip and I would do together. One of the things we enjoyed was going for rides on his Fatboy Harley Davidson Bike. There has been hundreds of them around lately because of the fantastic weather. I really miss those rides and seeing how excited he would get to finally ride his "baby". He even had my name made in chrome and had it installed on the bike,'GINA'. We had alot of good times on that bike. I will never forget all the trips we took and I have hundreds of photos to prove it. The only problem is....I can't tell which trip is which!
This past week I have also seen a lovely psychiatrist. I feel very comfortable with her.I had decided 2 or 3 months ago that it would be in my best interest to see one. My life has been turned upside down and I have 4 children who are under my care. They deserve a mom who will care for them in the best way possible. In order to do that, I need to make sure my mind is healthy too. I have been trying to deal with alot of different things in the most positive ways possible. There are just sooo many things and I sometimes feel over-whelmed. I've read some good books and talked to some friends and family who gave me some advice. So, I guess I'm sort of winging it and I just want to make sure I'm making the correct decisions where my kids are concerned and even for myself. I want to have the best guidance ever and who else can I receive that from, but a professional? Needless to say, my first session went well and I even shed a few tears.Eventually I would like the kids to see her when they are ready. I will play it by ear. I will be seeing her for as long as it takes......until I feel comfortable......... in my heart.

....................MY FAMILY....................
Anthony.....
I didn't end up going to the trailer park again because Anthony injured his foot on Sat. evening. He accidently jumped on a long rusted nail, which apparently nicked his heel bone. He's doing o.k now with his antibiotics and salt-baths for his foot. He also received a tetnus shot. I just wanted to keep an eye on him for any problems. Anthony has been handling things o.k. He has been behaving well. Nothing out of the ordinary or to complain about. He is just alittle edgy sometimes. Although I worry about him because he doesn't talk about his feelings a whole lot. He says he doesn't really talk about Dad too much with his friends anymore, so, I will make an effort to talk about some good times he had with his Dad.

Marina.....
She has been handling things o.k too. I guess it's easier for a girl to show emotions because they are not criticized for it and it is acceptable. Marina also gets edgy sometimes for no apparent reason. She talks to me all the time and doesn't hesitate to ask questions or tell me how she is feeling. I encourage her to continue to do this. Marina has been seeing a grieving counselor through the school. She comes to see her on a 'one on one' basis, once a week, at the school. She has just finished doing a 'memory album' with pictures of her dad. She seemed quite proud of it. So far, Marina seems to be working through her grieving in a good way.

Rafael......
He has been one angry little boy lately. He has been quite the challenge for me. He's really got me worried. I've also spoke to his teacher and he has been very edgy at school too. He hasn't been very nice to his classmates, including the teacher. She said that it's under control now, but it can easily get worse. She understands why he is being this way and really feels badly for him. Rafael is also seeing the same grieving counselor as Marina. Rafael says he really likes his counselor, which is a good thing. What will happen when school is out? I'm definitely going to have him see the same lady as I'm seeing. If I let this go, he will spiral out of control. He is constantly getting in heated arguments with all of us at home, especially me. I'm his main target. He is almost always defiant with me and it makes me very angry and frustrated. I've already lost it with him twice this week. I am a very patient person..........but Rafael is really really working it. Sometimes he just doesn't stop. Next thing you know I have Anthony, Marina and Sara yelling at Rafael to stop making Mom so upset. This has only happened a hand-full of times and thats more then enough for me. I just hope I get the right kind of help for him before things get worse.
He is really my sensitive, loveable, affectionate boy with a fire in his eyes.

Sara.....
She is doing quite well considering all that she has had to deal with since she has been home. To name a few.....daily visits at the orphanage with her new mamma & papa that were basically strangers to her, leaving the orphanage with us, first car-ride and long airplane ride to Canada, learning another language, adjusting with her new family, living in a new home, eating different foods, dealing with losing her papa etc. etc. It's a wonder to me that she is not acting more like Rafael. Although, she has let out her anger in a few 'holding times'. She's still alittle confused about the way the family unit is now. She totally caught me off guard one day when she asked,"Will I be getting a new Daddy?" For a moment I was left speachless. She then went on saying how much she misses her Daddy giving her' big big hugs'. Before I said anything, I put myself in her shoes to better understand where she was coming from. I gently told her that she wouldn't be getting a new daddy and that she already had a daddy.......in her heart........and he loves you so so much and I'm sure daddy misses giving you hugs like before. She just cried and cried and cried and I didn't know what else to do but cry with her. I think this reaction from Sara was her missing her fathers physical affection. I feel so badly for her.

About 3 weeks ago, I put Sara in a pre-school about 5 minutes from home. My long time friend, Christine, (since kindergarten!) has a daycare/preschool right in her own home. She has a perfect setting and Sara was familiar with the place and people. She has been there a few times already to play with Christines 5 yr old daughter Juliana. I thought she would be most comfortable here for preparation of J-K in September. I registered her for J-K in April. Sara goes to pre-school every Tues. and Wed. from 9:30 am to 3:30 pm. Apparently she has a great time and she tells me so, when I pick her up. She is no trouble at all and she follows all the rules. The only problem is that she gets very upset when I have to leave her. Last Tues. she really started to cry after I said good-bye to her in the morning. It totally broke my heart. I left as quickly as possible and I cried all the way home. As soon as I got home I called Chris and she assured me that I barely got out the door and she was on a swing, singing! She said this could go on for about a month, before she is confident that I WILL come back to pick her up everytime. I just hope I can last that long!
I've also signed Sara up for swimming lessons. We've been going since the beginning of April. It's a moms & tots thing. We have a fantastic time together and she is like a fish in the water! She goes under the water and opens her eyes and jumps in and loves to float on her back. The classes go to the first week of June. In august, I would like to sign her up for, Ballet. Sara has inquired about it quite a few times. The classes start in September. I think she will have a blast. She loves dancing.

For now I will leave you's all with our latest update...........................................
Take care all and God Bless!
Gina

Spring brings new beginnings...................

2007-05-05T21:14:00.000-05:00

Spring brings new beginnings...........as it did today.
Today was the first weekend our trailer park opened. Every year Philip and I would bring the kids to our family sized camper on the first weekend of May. We would always be so excited and anxious to see our dear friends again after the long winter. We would look forward to spending a relaxing and fun weekend with our family and friends.
Shortly after Philip passed away, I had decided to continue going to the trailer-park with the kids. We all know how much Philip loved being at the park. Plus the kids needed to have some sort of stability and familiar plans for each season that passes. I think I would feel like I was wiping away a part of Philip if I had decided not to go at all and sell the trailer. We made many good memories there together and I don't want the kids to forget about them. I look forward to sitting around the campfire with the kids and my dear trailer-park friends and talk about the many memories Philip made for us and many people in the park.
So, today we had one of our new beginnings on this beautiful spring day..............

This day began with my good friends, Bill and Richard ringing my door-bell. They had come to help move my 5th-wheel camper out of storage and pull it to the trailer park. They were even going to set it all up for me, so it was ready to use. Silvo (my brother-in-law) had offered to pull the camper with his truck. He had the proper stuff installed in the back of the truck a few weeks before. The only problem we had today was not being able to find the keys to open the camper. I searched high and low with no such luck in finding them. Well the guys thought of asking the park owners if they possibly had a spare key for emergencies. Smart thinking guys! They had a key! This gave them the opportunity to open the camper up and hook up the gas, water and electricity. The kids and I arrived when they were all done. We saw some of our friends along the way and they were so happy to see us and even said so. It felt good to see them again. They reminded us that we have alot of good friends here and they are always there for anything we need. I had brought Bill, Richard and Silvo some food and drink. That is the least I could have done today. I plan on inviting them over for a huge spaghetti and meatball dinner in appreciation for what they did for me.
Bill and Richard have been so good to me and the kids and their friendship means so much to me. Silvo has been great. He has been helping us left, right and center. I feel so grateful for all that they have done and I'm positive Philip is looking down at you's with the biggest smile you ever saw.
Thank-You from the bottom of my heart.
After the boys left, Anthony and I began to do some cleaning up. I cleaned indoors and Anthony cleaned up outside. Marina and Rafael went exploring and Sara was checking out all the forgotten toys that had been hibernating in the camper during the winter. We originally were all excited about coming. The weather was perfect and our campsite welcomed us with memories of the past summer spent here. Everything was the same as we had left it. Somehow we all slowly found ourselves feeling sad from missing Philip being there. We didn't really talk to each other about it and I think we all didn't really want to either. I decided on this first day without our beloved Philip.......we needed to digest this moment together in a peaceful silence. I'm sure the kids were thinking about memories they had with their father as I also was remembering. I know today was alittle difficult for all of us. I am hoping that the difficult days will eventually lessen and we will enjoy our lives like Philip so desparately wanted for us to do. I have decided to continue coming to the campsite mainly for this reason.
I accomplished alot of cleaning and I plan on coming again tomorrow to finish up and fill the fridge and cupboards with food and drink. I also want to get started on my little garden that I have here.
I hope my decision to return to the campsite is a good one. I will try to be as optimistic as possible on the beginning of our 'new beginning' on this beautiful spring day....................................

May the warmth of the spring sun bring a smile to everyone's face....................................................
Take care everyone,
Gina

My Sara.........My Angel

2007-04-25T09:40:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all,
I apologize for not posting on Sunday. We were visiting with my brother-in-law, Luigi and my sister-in-law, Stella , nieces, nephews and extended family at Wanda and John's place. We had a very nice day together and the kids enjoyed themselves as always. They have all been so supportive of me and the kids. I am so grateful to have them in our lives. I intend to always keep it this way. They mean so much to me. Thanks a bunch guys.
This is the second time I am doing this post! I was actually doing this on Monday afternoon and then I had to walk away from the computer for a while. Well I forgot to save it before I told my son Anthony to quickly shut off the computer. A wind and rain storm just suddenly hit us. It only went on for 1/2 hour, but it was pretty bad. Well needless to say, my post disappeared!

My Sara........My Angel............
She had a fantastic day on Sat. April 21st, our "Family Day". Actually we all had a great time together. We started off the day by sleeping in and watching a movie in our p.j.'s and eating breakfast together. We then got ourselves ready and we were off to town. It was perfect weather. The sun was shining and the sky was bluer than blue. While driving, I announced to the kids that today is a very special day. Today is the day Sara was adopted and we became the family we are today. Today is our "Family Day".I want you all to make a big effort to be nice to each other and thats including me! Today we are going to celebrate by having fun together!
Once I arrived in town, I pulled up at Kentucky Fried Chicken drive-through. The kids all Woo-Hooed ! They love KFC, which I only purchase once in a blue moon. We took our KFC picnic lunch to Riverdale Park. Sara began to jump up and down with excitment. Sara has been dying to go to this park as we drove by it many times during the winter. It is a beautifully set up park. It's a large park that is nestled in a forested area and is totally surrounded by huge maple trees. (amazing colours in the fall) It sits off a quiet street and has the local hospital almost right next door. As we arrived we saw the park buzzing with children of all sizes. We headed off to a picnic table and devoured our lunch. There's nothing like eating fried chicken out-doors! After we were done eating, we played fris-bee together. Anthony, my oldest, attempted to show Sara the technique of throwing a fris-bee. After a few tries she finally got it and jumped up and down and did her little dance saying,"Idid it!, Idid it!"Shortly after we headed to the swings, jungle gyms and slides. Anthony, Marina and Rafael were wonderful with Sara as they all took turns helping Sara with whatever she wanted to try next. Each one of them just let loose and had fun. I thought maybe Anthony (Almost 16yrs) would think it wasn't 'cool' To play in the park. Well, no worries, he was right there at the very top of the huge spider web jungle gym! It was such a joy to see them that day, just being happy and just being kids.
After a couple of hours playing I called them over to a more private area of the park. We all sat together on some very large rocks. I had brought some wrapped gifts for them as a surprise. I told them I was giving them these gifts to remember this special day. I told them that I love each one of you very much and each one of you make a very important part of our family. I received hugs and kisses and "thank-you mom, I love you!" I had given them each a necklace with a special engraved message fom me. I helped them with their necklaces and announced,"Lets go for icecream!' We headed for the "Dairy Queen". This place has been around since I was a kid myself! We stuffed our faces with scrumptious, yummy icecream before we headed back home.
That evening we had an Italian/Ukrainian dinner. I had made the Ukrainian Easter sweet bread called 'paska' and a big pot of borsht soup. My mom prepared 'gnocchi' with fresh tomatoes and basil. It was a fantastic meal and Sara enjoyed every bit of it. I only invited my parents and my sister to join us because I didn't want alot of "hoop-la" going on. I wanted the kids to feel that this was our special day to celebrate and be together.
Afterwards, when my parents went home, we looked at the pictures and videos taken in Ukraine last year. Sara was happy to see pictures of her and Daddy. She mostly wanted to see the videos. Sometimes she would get very sad looking at her and Daddy and sometimes I guess it was because of memories she was having about her time in the orphanage. From now on I will take the videos and pictures out only if she asks me to. Over all she enjoyed seeing them.

My Sara...... My Angel.........I will lovingly hold your heart in mine , FOREVER.
I love you...........MY DAUGHTER................Love, Mommy.......

God Bless you everyone,
Gina

"FAMILY DAY"

2007-04-21T12:09:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,
Today is Sara's one year anniversary of the day we took her out of the orphanage for good! Alot of people call this the "Gotcha Day". I've decided to call it our "Family Day". This is the day we all became a new family with Sara. I just wanted it to be fair for all my children. I don't think it's fair to Sara's brothers & sister to have 2 celebrations (today & birthday) for Sara and the rest only their birthday celebration. I definitely don't want to be favouring one more than the other. I want each and everyone of them to feel special. I also want them to know that each one of them is a very important part of our family unit. Today we will spend the afternoon (just us 5) together just doing "stuff" in town and at home. I have also baked the Ukrainian sweet bread called,"Paska" and I also made a big pot of yummy "Borsht soup". My mother will also be preparing a nice italian "Gniocchi" dish. We will be enjoying a wonderful italian and ukrainian dinner tonight. We will also be viewing the pictures and video's we took in Ukraine. I will post again tomorrow to let you know how things went. I hope everyone has an excellent day today. It is the most fantastic weather outdoors!
Ciao and Paca !
Take care everyone
Gina

One Year Ago Today......

2007-03-27T09:22:00.000-05:00

Today is March 27th and I had arrived in Kiev with my late-husband Philip..............ONE YEAR AGO.
I remember how nervous and excited Philip and I were. This past week my mind has been flooded with the memories of the last trip Philip and I took together...........and what a trip it was. It was the most amazing journey we ever had experienced together. It is certainly a memory I will always hold close to my heart.

Before I begin, I would like to thank everyone for their heart-warming comments and prayers. I appreciate very much for you's all sending me a message. Pleasantly enough, each & everyone of them came to me at just the right moment. I look forward to reading the comments. It helps to know that people are thinking about us. It is almost 3 months since Philip has passed away. Some days are harder then others. It all depends on what is going on. I am being very patient in taking as much time as possible with myself and the kids to grieve. I don't what to rush things as this will make things worse. I try to talk about Philip or at least mention him whenever I can. It comforts me to be able to talk about him to friends and family. We are all taking it one day at a time. I also try not to hold feelings in. Whenever I have a "moment" arise, I try to just let it go and cry where ever I am. It's hard sometimes because I'm afraid of making someone feel uncomfortable or feel bad. We are all doing o.k. otherwise. The weather has become alot nicer which helps to lift up our spirits sometimes. The winter was making things alittle more depressing.

We just got back from Florida not too long ago. We have been home for a week now. I decided to go to Clearwater, Florida, for the kids March Break. My parents have a condo there. They left here, to go back to Clearwater about a week before I did. My brother-in-law Silvo and my sister Giovanna had asked me before if we would all like to travel with them in their motor-home. They thought it might be good for us to get away for a little while. I agreed with them. Philip and I had already planned to drive down to Florida with the kids in our 5th-wheeler camper. I'm sure Philip would have been very disappointed if we stayed home instead.We all had a nice time and the weather was good the whole time. The kids went into the pool alot and also went fishing & shuffle-board playing with Nonno & Nonna.(grand-pa & grand-ma). We also took them to the beach one day. This was Sara's first time at a beach. She had a blast. She loved how the water would come up and "tickle her toes" and go back out and come back again. She played in the sand alot too. We collected a bunch of the tiniest sea-shells together. I plan to paste them around the pictures taken at the beach. She did not like those aggressive sea gulls. They stole our egg-salad sandwiches right out of our hands! After about a week of being in Florida, the kids were starting to get anxious to come home. Sara started to ask me a week before we left, if she could go home. Everyday she would ask me,"Mama, When we go home? I wanna go home. I miss Mikey(our dog)." For the rest of the week she was not always herself. She was alittle edgy. She was also missing her Daddy alot. Twice Sara got angry and told me she was mad that Daddy wasn't here. I think maybe it reminded her too often of how much she misses her Daddy. Seeing her cousin Samantha (almost 2 yrs old) with her Daddy everyday had gotten to her. She really misses Philip's attention and affection. She still tells me how much she misses him. When we arrived home she was so excited! Sara was as happy as can be. For the rest of the week she told me everyday,"Mommy, I so happy we are home !!!!" She was back to her old self in no time. Actually I'm glad to be back home too. I think our HOME is a "comfort zone" for all of us. This is where we feel safe ,secure and closest to Philip. I'm glad we went away for a little while. It was so nice of Giovanna & Silvo to take us along. I really appreciate that they did this for us.

Today I received a wonderful surprise email! I received an email from our dear driver Leonid in Lugansk, Ukraine! I cried when I read the email. I was so happy to receive it and at the same time I felt sad because I have to tell him the devastating news about Philip. I was hoping and praying that he would contact me. We exchanged addresses, phone numbers etc. just before we said our goodbyes. I had wanted to contact him months ago and I had misplaced his contact information. He said that he has never forgotten us and how we treated him. He mentioned that it was almost one year ago when we first met and that it feels like yeterday. He has asked for pictures and looks forward to hearing from us. I miss him. He was such a gentleman and a good friend.

Well I suppose that is all for now. Take care everyone and please post your messages as I look forward to reading them. Until my next post...........HAPPY SPRING DAYS EVERYONE!...........

Gina

Has this really happened??

2007-02-16T11:16:00.000-06:00

Has this really happened to us??
I am still asking myself this question. Part of me is still in shock. I feel like I am in a butterfly's cocoon. I wish this was all a bad dream and I will finally wake up and my Philip will be home again..........

As many of you already know that on the morning of Wed. January 3rd 2007, I lost my husband Philip in a fatal car accident. No warning.......no nothing........He was just suddenly gone from our lives. This is difficult for me to post about as I've already paused to shed a tear. However, I know that I must begin to talk about what has happened. I know in my heart this will help me on this grieving journey that has suddenly become my reality. I barely remember the days that followed. I was doing the motions but I felt like I wasn't there. I do remember the many many friends and family that totally surrounded me and the children everyday. My parents dropped everything and flew in from Florida to stay with me. My dear sister and brother-in-law literally took over the arrangements, announcments etc. Only asking me for final decisions. Silvo also got his band together at the last minute and wrote & sang a beautiful song about Philip. It is called,"The Biggest Heart". It was part of the eulogy that Silvo decided to do also at the funeral mass. I have been over-whelmed with the amount of support and help we have received and are still receiving. I will always be very very grateful for everything everyone has done. It totally warms my heart in every sense of the word.

Philip touched many many hearts. I was aware that he knew many people when he was on this earth with us. The funeral home visits and the actual funeral proved to me and the kids, just how much he was loved. The funeral home director, Barbara, was amazing. She was very kind and helpful. She told me that in the 34 years that she has been running the funeral home, she has never had this amount of people come through to visit. She estimated (by the signatures in the book) over 2000 people came through in our 2-day visiting days. She also said that she has never had so many flowers at one time either. Apparently there were 3 florists in town, who had run out of flowers. At the funeral mass there were approximately over 850 people present. I'm so glad the kids could see how truly wonderful their father was to so many people. He was certainly someone to be proud of.

The children and I miss him terribly. I know they feel just as paralyzed as I feel. My 4 wonderful kids are doing good considering what has happened. My oldest son Anthony (almost 16 yrs) grew up over night. He has suddenly become so mature. Thank God he has a few amazing good friends that have been so supportive. Specifically his long time friend, Billy. He is such a good person. Anthony has broken down many times already. He was always with my brother-in-law Silvo when this happened. Silvo has helped us tremendously. He truly has taken good care of us. My oldest daughter Marina (12 yrs) has also broken down a few times and even wrote a speech about her dad as part of her school project. There wasn't a dry eye in the classroom when she said it aloud. This has helped her through her grieving. Marina also has become more mature over night. I'm also grateful to say that Marina has support from friends and her teacher, Mrs. Alward. Both Anthony and Marina are handling it considerably well with lots of support from good friends and family. I'm most worried about my youngest son Rafael. He's turning 9 this month. He has decided to not deal with it. He has bottled everything up inside. I will never forget him the morning after the accident. Rafael was sitting at the head of the table eating his breakfast. He suddenly looked up at me and asked, "Mom, when is Dad coming home?". I quietly and gently answered," Rafael, you know what happened to Daddy yesterday". He didn't say a word and it became silent. Whenever I try to talk to him about it and try to encourage him to talk to me, he just covers his ears with his hands and tells me to leave him alone. Sometimes he gets up and locks himself in the bathroom and screams,"Go away! I hate you!" Right now he's trying really hard to keep it inside by keeping really busy, 24/7. He is almost frantic in making sure he is always playing with a friend, playing video games etc. He is actually exactly the way Philip was. He was very sensitive and took things personally always. He was the most generous and considerate person you'd ever meet. At the same time he was dramatic and liked to be the life of a party. Rafael is all that and he even looks like Philip did at 9 yrs of age.
My good friend Christine, has given me some good books about grieving. I'm now getting some advise from these books. They have been helpful in beginning to help and understand myself and the kids with our grieving. I have also been making some phone calls to grieving counsellers. I would like to begin to have some counselling for myself and the kids. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right things with the kids or even myself. This is a hard situation to deal with, especially when it happens so suddenly and your left with this feeling of shock. I don't want to be creating new problems without realizing it. We have enough on our plates as it is.
Now about my sweet Sara................................................................
She has been an angel sent from heaven above. Sara is truly an amazing child. She has been a saviour for me and her brothers and sister. You will not believe the things that have come out of her mouth. She has helped us through this and doesn't even know it. An example of this is the first day I took the kids to visit with their father at the funeral home. I took them a couple of hours before the very first public visits began. I wanted them to have this time alone without so many people around. I wanted them to remember this time as special. I told them every tiny little detail as I had visited with Philip the day before. I wanted them to know exactly what to expect, so they would not be afraid. As hard as it was to bring my children to see their father, I know they needed to do this so they could have some closure. As we entered the funeral home I told the kids to look at the many many flowers as we walked towards the room Philip was in. My daughter Marina began to get very upset and nervous about seeing her Dad. I gently told her not to be afraid and that we would all go in together. She still said no, so my mother offered to sit with her while we went in to visit. Sara was very anxious to see him. We went in and we quietly cried. Sara talked to him and even lovingly touched him and gave him a kiss. I then left Silvo with Anthony, Rafael and Sara. I went to sit and talk to Marina. Next thing I knew, Sara comes around the corner to where Marina was sitting. She looked right into Marina's face and lovingly put her little hand on Marina's cheek. She then said, " Marina..........don't be scared......come with me..........come and see Daddy with me...........it's O.K..........come on Marina......I hold your hand". She began to pull at Marina's sleeve. Marina began to smile and said she couldn't believe what Sara had just said. I just watched, speechless and in awe at what Sara was saying.....and she is only 3 yrs old. Eventually Marina did go in and afterwards she told me how glad she was that she visited with her Dad.
Sara is still alittle confused but now has a fairly good understanding of what has happened. She has cried many times about how much she misses her Daddy. It breaks my heart to see her like this. When she does this, I just hold her and cry with her. I tell her that I miss him alot too and I wish he was here like before. Sara has also cried out her anger recently. One particular time that I had decided to do holding time with her, she began to scream an angry cry after I asked her if she was upset about Daddy. She got so red in the face. I kept encouraging her to let it all out and told her to tell Daddy how mad she was that he wasn't here. After a little while she settled down and cried a sad cry while she cried,"I miss Daddy so much and I love him so much". We hugged each other and cried together for a bit.
I have told Sara as simple and as gently as I could about what happened to her Daddy. I told her that he got in a very big accident in his big black truck. I told her that Daddy is with Lord Jesus and the angels up in Heaven. I told her that this is Daddy's soul that went to heaven. Right now Daddy is always watching you from heaven. She then asked me why we couldn't go and visit Daddy. I told her that this is just the way it is when someone dies. We can't see or hear them like before. I then said, that right now we can always see and hear Daddy in our dreams sometimes. She seems to be content with this information for now. She has also repeated this information back to me. She is actually doing quite well.
Sara has given us all a reason to smile. She basically helps us to keep afloat and does not allow us to begin to drown in our sorrows. It is impossible to forget to smile once in awhile with Sara around us.
I pray to God to help keep our family together while we are on this journey of grieving and I thank God even more now that we have Sara in our family.
Please feel free to post your comments.
Take care and God Bless,
Gina

Journey To Sara: Its Been A While!!

2006-12-28T09:28:00.000-06:00

Journey To Sara: Its Been A While!!

Its Been A While!!

2006-12-27T19:52:00.000-06:00

Hi Everybody!
It has been quite a long while since I last posted. I think this is going to be another long one. Grab your coffee or tea and make yourself comfortable and I'll tell you what has been going on these past couple of months.

Holding-Time.........
Sara has now been home with us for almost 8 months now. (On Dec. 30th) In around mid-October Sara had begun to test me. She would purposely do something that she knew would upset me. I was wondering when this was going to start! There's always a honey-moon period before they start to get comfortable and feel safe to misbehave. I think she wanted to see if I really love her and if I will reject her like others have. It was alittle difficult to respond to her in a totally opposite way then what I did with my 3 bio children. I would say,"You've made me SAD.", not "You've made me mad and give her time out." Whenever she misbehaved, I would pick her up and hold her. I would ask her what was the matter. She usually would not answer me or she would scream,"I no want to tell you! Let me go!" I would calmly and firmly say," I will not let you go, I still love you very very much, even after you made me feel sad. I can't let go of you because my baby Sara is mad and sad inside." She would usually put up a big struggle to get away from me. I would hold her firmly and keep repeating what I said before. About 6 different times in October & November Sara put up her biggest struggles while we did holding time. She would try to hit , bite and spit at me. This was difficult to go through but I knew she needed to let these mad & sad feelings out in order for her to grow emotionally healthy. She needs to see that I can handle seeing her in her worst way and not be rejected for it. When she screams for me to let her go, I lovingly tell her that I can't because I love her too much and she is so special to me. This finally helps her too stop fighting and face my true feelings for her and she begins to cry a sad cry and at the same time she hugs me so tightly and cries, "Mamma I love you...I sorry." I responded by crying with Sara and telling her that it was o.k. and that I will love her forever and ever.......no matter what!" Every single time I did this you could clearly see that she was much happier and more affectionate.

Siblings......
Over-all, Sara is a good girl and I am very proud of her. She has accomplished so many things in such a short while at such a young age. She tells me numerous times throughout the day,"Mamma I love you." Sara says it so lovingly and sincere that she melts my heart everytime. I've also begun to give her brothers and sister, Anthony, Marina and Rafael a little more affection as I could see that it was starting to bother them a bit. Them seeing me give their little sister so much more attention then I gave to them. Especially with my youngest son Rafael. (almost 9 yrs) He would purposely try to get Sara in trouble with me. I had a few heart to hearts with him but he would sometimes struggle with me and cover his ears when I tried to tell him how much I loved him and that it has never changed and will absolutely NOT change for any reason. Now things are alot better. He has learned that its o.k to share mom and that I love him more than I ever did. I can now see that he really enjoys playing with his little sister and he really cares for her. Even though they sometimes fight! Sara loves to play with Rafael. She is also clearly enjoying having a big sister like Marina. She is such a mother-hen with Sara sometimes until Sara gets into her make-up and things! Anthony, our 15 yr old son, loves to play with her and often gives her piggy-back rides and is always watching out for her.

My 4 children.........
I remember at one time thinking in my head...."My 3 bio children and my adopted child." I loved all 4 just the same and still do and always will, but I could still feel this difference. I didn't like feeling that way, but I was optimistic in this feeling slowly disappearing as time went on. I think it was because of all the extra special kind of attention I had to give her, which was not the same amount I was giving my other children and simply getting to really know each other, inside and out. I can now happily say that feeling has now disappeared. I simply have 4 children and thats that. I've chalked it up to be a normal adoption experience and nothing out of the ordinary. I just try to go with the flow and deal with things as they come. When I'm not sure how to best handle a new situation, I then go to FRUA chatline and seek some information. I'm very happy with how things have been progressing. There hasn't been anything that I have not been able to handle and I'm very grateful for that. I still have to pinch myself sometimes to make sure I'm not dreaming and Sara is actually right here! I'm very proud of each and everyone of my children and love them for who they are.

October 2006..........
We all enjoyed the beautiful autumn weather this October. There was alot of dirt-biking, 4-wheeling, lawn-tractor riding and camping going on. Sara's always right along side her brothers and sister having a blast. She really likes the outdoors. Before we know it, winter will be here and she'll be enjoying the snow! After Thanks-giving day, I started to explain to her about what Halloween was. Well!...You never saw such excitment for Halloween!! She looked she was in heaven. She really really loves candy. Come to think of it.... her care-givers laughed and joked when I asked what her favourite food was and all said,"Candy!" at the same time! Once I told her that she had to go door to door with a bag and say trick or treat and a person would give you candy........That's all she talked about! "Mamma! Mamma! When Alloween?! Ooooh! Can't wait! she'd say with so much excitment.
On the 28th we attended the last wedding celebration of 2006. We went to our friends Maggie & Joe's wedding. All 6 of us went. We all had a good time and Sara throughly enjoyed herself. She did lots of dancing, which she loves to do. I made sure she had her usual 2-hour nap so she wouldn't be overly tired. We left just shortly after mid-night. She behaved very well.

Patricia & Les.........
Patricia and Les (Sherway on FRUA chatline) were also there. I remember hoping they would receive there appointment to fly to Ukraine soon. Patricia told me about a strange and wonderful thing that happened to her. She was actually feeling very discouraged about the whole adoption thing while entering a store. She grabbed a cart and the wheels weren't working which ticked her off and she grabbed another nearby cart which had some stuff in it. She began to take it out and at the bottom of the cart she saw a plaque with the name "Sofia" on it. She couldn't believe her eyes. This was the name they had picked out for their future daughter!! I'm very happy to say that Patricia & Les are presently in Ukraine. They flew out on Dec. 16th 2006. They had a rough start but have recently found their Sofia! Sara is very excited and can't wait to meet her new friend! Patricia and I plan to give the girls an opportunity to form a special friend-ship. We are happy that they will have each other to confide in if need be. We are dreaming of the day we sit together at the kitchen table watching our girls play together. I can't wait!!

Back to October 2006.......
Well Halloween had arrived and I had purchased Sara the cutest Witch costume! She loved it. A few nights before we all carved pumpkins at the kitchen table. Sara was doing a great job scraping out the insides of her pumpkin. I got her to draw eyes, nose and mouth with a black majic marker. I cut it out exactly the way she drew it. She was very proud of the finished product!
On halloween night we had a early dinner and started getting ready right away. Anthony stayed home dishing out candy while I took Sara around the block with her Uncle Silvo and little cousin Samantha. Marina went out with a girl-friend and Papa took Rafael out to a couple of subdivisions. It was both Sara's and Samantha's first time trick-or-treating. They were having so much fun and they both got the hang of it right away. When it involves candy.........anything is possible! They both tried to dip into there buckets a few times, so Silvo and I let them have alittle. Going around 1/2 a block was just perfect. They were both tired by then and their buckets were full-up! It was also great weather outside and I took some pictures I will post later.

November 2006........
Not too much went on in November. We had our first big snow-fall near the end of this month. One afternoon Sara woke up from her nap and I excitedly told her to look out the window. She squealed,"It's snowing!" She then jumped up and started to do alittle dance on her bed and started to also sing,"It's snowing outside! It's snowing outside!!" She couldn't wait to play in it. After she had a snack, we dressed up in our snow-suits and all and headed to the front yard. I showed Sara how to do a snow angel and she thought that was amazing. We had alot of fun rolling snow-balls on the ground and watching them get bigger. We also built a snow -man. I will also post pictures of this day on a later post. On the last weekend of this month we put the Christmas tree up. We used an artificial tree that I put together by myself with just the lights and garlands. The next day I had the boxes of ornaments ready for the kids to empty out onto the tree. I put on a C.D. of childrens Christmas songs on to set the mood. Sara was so excited! We all began to decorate. You should have seen Sara!! She was doing her little dance inbetween hanging ornaments! We had also given her a special "first Christmas ornament " to her. It was a precious moments ornament. it was a little girl holding a golden bell and 2006 written on her dress. Sara loved it and said thank-you. She later explained to me,"Mamma this so special to me." She would then gently hug her ornament. She actually went to touch it lovingly numerous times after that. Back to the decorating............After we had an excellent time making our Christmas tree, we announced to Sara that she would be placing the Angel on top of the tree this year, which made her jump up & down with excitment. We called Papa and he picked her up high and Sara proudly placed the Angel on the top! She was beaming with joy as we all clapped our hands! Papa put her down and she did a little dance around and around as she said,"I so happy! I so happy!" We all laughed and all I could think of was the joy that this child of ours has brought into our lives. I feel so very lucky to be Sara's mamma !!

Wow! I'd better go now! It's 1am in the morning! I will post all about December very soon and will also post alot of new pictures. Bye for now everyone...........
P.S. Please post your comments!!
Gina

WOW!! October is here!!!!?????

2006-10-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OUR UKRAINIAN PRINCESS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The picture above is Sara and her 15yr old brother Anthony. She loves him to death and he adores her. She really enjoys the rides he gives her on the mini-dirt bike , the four-wheeler and the lawn-tractor. Anthony barely has to mention it and she's out the door like a shot! There is also a picture below with the 2 of them together, which was taken infront of the computer. They also play together on the computer sometimes. The 3 pictures I took of Sara in the traditional Ukrainian costume was purchased the day before we left at the out doors market which is located near the new SDA centre.This is a pretty spot because of all the booths with authentic Ukrainian things and it is also infront of a beautiful church. It also has cobble stone everywhere. It is very European looking. We really enjoyed ourselves that day.

I couldn't resist posting this one of Sara. She LOVES nail polish! This is her very carefully trying to apply nail polish to her toes. She actually doesn't do too bad of a job!

This is me and Sara taking a picture of ourselves when we were baking some banana bread. This was her first time making a cake. She was so excited and had an excellent time making it with me. Here she is below proudly presenting the finished product!We had a great day and baking together is one of the many bonding techniques I used.There are sooo many things one can do. Just let your imagination run wild!

A picture of our oldest and our youngest. I'm definitely a proud mamma!!!!

I can't believe we are now in October. This is my favourite time of year. The colours of red, orange and yellow with the warm sun and cool breeze are just to die for. I'm sure Anthony, Marina and Rafael will soon show Sara the joys of playing in the many piles of leaves. We are also nearing the 6 month mark that Sara has been home. (On the 30th of this month.) She is now attached to me and 95 % bonded. The reason for it being 95% is that when I hold her for rocking at bed time, she will start looking everywhere else, trying to avoid my eyes. I think she is still alittle intimidated by the intimacy of mother and child just gazing into each others eyes. This is after she has asked me to rock her. She loves to be held and massaged,hugged, kissed etc. and she always looks into my eyes when talking and even when she's telling me she loves me. I think she is still holding a very tiny piece of herself back. But thats o.k. That will change with time. She has also slowed down with her regressing. I haven't put any diapers on her for the past 2 and 1/2 weeks. I also haven't made her a bottle of milk for about 2 wks. She is only taking a soother sometimes.(usually when she is sleepy) I think this is telling me that she is becoming more attached to me. I also made up a special "love-kiss" for her. After telling her I love her, I kiss her behind the ears. The first time I did it she said,"Why kiss Sara der??" I told her that this was mamma's special "love-kiss" for her. She smiled and hugged me and said ,"I love you mamma!".....do it again!! Like I had mentioned before.....Use your imagination when it comes to promoting attachment. I'm having a wonderful time doing this with Sara!

Her english is really coming along now. She just needs to get a handle on the right pronunciation of words. I wonder if her being "tongue-tied"(the problem she had with her tongue just before we met her) has anything to do with it?? I have been showing her how to place her tongue in her mouth in order to make the correct sound of some of the letters. I think I will speak to my doctor about this and possibly get her some speech therapy started before beginning JK next year. She definitely tries hard to make everyone understand her. It looks like her motto is, "If all else fails.......use hand&face expressions!!

About Sara's "holding-time"...........I haven't done it too many times this month. I try to do it when she has been repeatedly misbehaving, which she doesn't often do. She is a pretty good girl. Its amazing what you can get out of holding-time. One example is.........One day she was misbehaving in a sort of "sour-puss" way. I decided to do "holding-time" to find out what was bothering her. She would not tell me what was wrong after I asked before, numerous times. After doing "holding time" she finally told me that she was very hurt by what Mikey did. (our little yorkshire terrier/poodle dog) Apparently she was petting him and hugging him while telling him she loved him and he ended up snapping at her! She was very upset about this. She thought he had rejected her. She really loves our Mikey. After that I explained to her that she probably startled him somehow and that Mikey still loves her. I then showed her how Mikey still gives her his Love kisses/licks. After that she was satisfied and happy.

Sara is also starting to practice writing her name. She tries to copy what I wrote for her. She is doing pretty good. You can start to make out that it says Sara. She is so proud of herself and shows everyone what she did. She is also learning the ABC's song which she eagerly wants to learn. She loves to sing all the time. I'm also teaching her other childrens songs and I always find her trying to sing them by herself. She's also listening to a casette that has childrens Russian songs sung in Russian and english. She repeatedly listens to that too.Oh yes, I almost forgot,. We are now going to a play-group for 2 hours every Mon. Morning. She loves playing with the other children.

Yesterday she had her first Canadian Thanks-Giving celebration. She helped me with some of the preparations. We had it at our house. She was amazed at the large turkey in the oven. We started off the meal with me helping Sara say our prayer of thanks. She knows how to do the sign of the cross and I helped her say,"Thank-you God for the food we are going to eat and thank-you God for everything good in our lives, Amen!" She enjoyed eating turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, peas and alittle salad with bread. She is actually a very good eater and likes to try new foods.(just like mamma!) We had a wonderful day. The weather was very warm and the kids ended up in the back yard with the dirt-bikes and four wheelers. Sara was right there along side her brothers and sister. It was great listening to them squeal and laugh all afternoon while us "old-folks" played cards inside.I remember so many months ago how I ached to hear just what I was listening to on this Thanks-Giving day. Our children laughing and playing together. What a beautiful sound and how lucky we are to hear it. By the end of the day we were all stuffed, tired and content.

My Prayer Of Thanks

Thank-you Lord for the wonderful things you have given me in my life. I'm so very grateful for you helping me make my dream come true. My dream of having a large family with bio and adopted children. Thank-you for giving me strength and patience throughout my life and especially when I really needed it. You are truly amazing to me and you have really shown this with our journey to Sara. This journey has taught me to always trust and have faith in you. I also thank-you for answering my many prayers. With every prayer you answered my faith in you grew stronger and stronger and continues to do so........AMEN.......................

Whats been happening in Ukraine???........

Apparently the SDA will be closing after the 14th of this month. They will hopefully be giving out some November appointments before they do. They will not be giving out any appointments during this 2 wk closing. They will only be preparing a list of all the November appointments which will consist of many couples travelling blind for young children(babies). I pray that it will be no longer than 2 wks and then FRUA will be flooded with news of everyones appointment date! Lets keep our fingers crossed!!

God bless you all!!

Please please post your comments. Let me know if anyone is reading my blog! I would love to read some hello's.

Take care all......

Gina Fortini

Whats been happening in Sept.?

2006-09-20T22:14:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone!
Wow !
I can't believe how much time has gone by already. On the 30th of this month, Sara will be home for 5 months. I see this on my screen, but I'm having a hard time believing it. It feels like just yesterday we were in Ukraine dying to bring Sara home.She has totally blossomed since the first day we came to Canada. Everyday I look at her and feel so grateful and full of love for her.I thank God for giving me the privilege of mothering and loving this amazing child that has become part of our lives. I feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. She has already touched so many peoples hearts.
It has become alittle quieter around here lately. Now that the kids have gone back to school and into a routine, we've somewhat gotten back some sanity! Anthony has returned to highschool in Gr. 10 and seems to like his teachers and subjects. Hopefully he'll keep a more positive outlook this year. Marina began Gr. 7 this year and loves it so far. Oh my God! She just has Gr.8 and then highschool!! Where does the time go! Rafael, our youngest boy began Gr.3. He also likes his new teacher. That leaves Sara and I alone all day. Its been nice doing the one on one thing, without any interruptions.Although she misses playing with her brothers and sister sometimes. She is also looking forward to beginning school herself. She'll be attending junior kindergarten in Sept. '07. She will proudly say,"When Sara 4, go school!"and then she puts up 4 fingers. I have sometimes brought her to Marina's and Rafael's bus stop in the morning. She really likes it because she gets to play with her friend Lauryn. She's a year older then Sara. Sara always happily says,"Lauryn my friend!" Sara has been quite the happy camper and always tells me so,without me even asking. She will come right out and say,"Sara happy!" "Sara happy with mamma and papa. Sara no have mamma and papa before.(She will pretend to cry) Now Sara home!"Sara happy!" I love you mamma. She melts my heart everytime she says this. She says it with so much sincerity. I'm so glad she is speaking so many different words now. She has even begun to talk about past experiences. I've given her several books for her age group, to do with adoption. Right now she really likes "The Tummy Mummy" and "Nicolai the Only Bear". She loves books and gets so excited when I tell her that I have a new book for her. We have been talking alittle to her about her adoption and birth mother when we read these books. Just very simple and basic things.Not specific personal details. I just tell her that her tummy mummy couldn't take care of her and thats why she was at the detsky-dom (orphanage) with all the mammachkas(caregivers) who took care of her until we found her and brought her home. I then I tell her that this is what adoption is.I always tell her that adoption means love.After every sentence I say she will say, "why!" She can be quite inquisitive sometimes. Thats all I tell her for now and she is satisfied with that. Right now she is really happy that she is adopted. I always make sure I leave these books on the table so SHE can decide when she wants me to read them to her. I don't want to be talking to her about it too much and end up overwhelming her. I just want her to look at adoption as a positive thing. Plus its alot easier for both of us to begin to talk about it while she is still very young. I feel this is giving her the opportunity to feel comfortable with it and comfortable to ask questions about her adoption when she starts to get older.

This month we've continued to go to our camper every weekend. We love going there and Sara has thoroughally enjoyed it so far. Everyone loves her to death and constantly steal hugs and kisses from her. I've actually talked to some of our friends about giving her too much physical affection. I asked them if they could slow down alittle because it had begun to confuse her. She was saying that another friend of mine was her mamma. This hurt when she said this. I swallowed my hurt feelings and attempted to find out why she was saying this. She was understanding that other females who gave her lots of physical attention, were also her mamma. This happened almost a month ago. She now has alot better understanding of what a family is and who HER family is. She will now say,"My Mamma!!" Everyone else is a friend. She is also understanding about strangers and people she just doesn't know. Last week we were sitting on the bench in Zellers, waiting for Marina to come out of the washrooms. A lady we did not know walked past us and Sara asked,"Who's dat?" I said,"I don't know." She then looked at me seriously and said, with her finger waving in the air,"No hugs and NO kisses her!!"
I gave her a big smile and a hug and told her what a smart and good girl she was. Thank God she is understanding what apropriate behaviour to use with strangers and aquaintances.
At the beginning of Sept. we went to a salon and had Sara's ears peirced. She had been enquiring about it quite a few times. She wanted to be the same as mamma, Marina, Nonna and auntie Gio Gio.She was great! They numbed her ears with extra strength adult anbesol for teeth and gums. It worked. She cried for both ears because of the sudden noise the gun made. She picked out her own purple diamond studs. She looks adorable and Sara loves them.
Sara is still regressing with me. I'm really enjoying this alot. Right now she is taking a soother sometimes when she is tired. Almost every night I heat her up a bottle of milk. She also enjoys sitting on my lap and have me spoon feed her. She loves me picking her up and have me walking around with her on my hip. She also has me put a diaper on her with wipies and even some cream on her tushy! You can see her just loving every bit of this "baby attention".She is eating very well now.She likes eating her fruits, bread, and "eggs to dip". She sometimes will eat 2 sunny-side-up eggs and a slice of bread. Sara has grown at least an inch and put on some weight. Her hair has grown like wild-fire. It has gotten longer and curlier and thicker. Her skin and nails aren't so dry anymore either.
I also wanted to let you's know that more appointments have been issued for September and now even some for the beginning of October! This is great! It's finally happening. Although the SDA will be closing for about 2 wks in the second half of October. This is apparently to prepare and confirm the future appointments. I pray that they don't take longer than this. Everyone has been waiting for long enough!!!
Well I better go and get some sleep now I'm falling asleep!
Until next time.........................
take care all!!
Gina Fortini

July and August Updates

2006-08-10T00:17:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all!
I hope you enjoyed the pictures I've finally posted of Sara. I got so fed-up with trying to post my scanned pics on my blog so I simply emailed them to my cousin Lui to post them for me. He knows everything and anything there is to know about computers. He posted them as a draft so I could edit them before actually posting. Thanks Lui!!!
I apologize for not posting as often as I would like. This summer has been quite busy with all 4 kids being home. Between laundry, housework, work, gardening, summer activities and extra attention for Sara, I simply haven't had much time! I will be able to post more often once school starts. The T.V. commercials have started.........."It's the most wonderful time of the year!"..........
I just love those commercials! They are so funny because by this time we are all getting on each others nerves a little to often and therefore moms and dads can't wait for school to begin! Although I'm very grateful that I have Sara home for a year before she begins junior kindergarten in Sept. 2007. I'm looking forward to having time alone with her.

I also wanted to say that I have been checking how the Adoption process is coming along in Ukraine. I've checked the FRUA chatline once in a while and I'm very happy to see that things have started to move along! This week some people have received their appointments for the beginning of Sept. I'm so thrilled for them. Lets hope that those appointments keep rolling in!

Whats been happening with Sara lately??............
July 13th
Today Sara started her immunization needles. It was recommended to us that this be done and that it would not harm her. She got 2 needles today. I explained to her exactly what would happen and then when it was done she would receive a lolli-pop. She kept insisting that she was getting 2 lolli-pops. I guess she figured she deserved 2 lolli-pops for 2 needles! Anyways the nurse had me hold her on my lap. She cried for both when it was actually being done. I felt so bad for her. After it was done she wiped her tears and looked up at me and said, "Candy??" I laughed and said,"Yes!" and she gave me a big smile. She did make sure the nurse gave her 2 lolli-pops. She just loves candy! Afterwards one of her arms was quite sore. She became really cranky, whiney and clingy. Even though she had a 2 hour nap when we got home. She also ran a high fever. This gave me the opportunity to take care of her. When I was putting her to bed for the night I sat on her bed and softly stroked her fore-head for a long time. She finally fell asleep and woke up with a fever again. She was cranky, whiney and clingy again but as the day went by all that disappeared and she was her old self again.

July 22nd
Today was Sara's first time attending a wedding! She had a blast! She had fun dressing up. She behaved very well at the dinner table. I also brought her own bag of things to keep her busy that worked out very well. Sara did lots of dancing and she seemed to really get into it when some old ACDC songs came on!! Go figure... I've got a rockin roll gal on my hands! It was such a joy to watch her have so much fun and she didn't even get cranky when it got to be so late at night for her. There was just one incident that worried me a bit. A friend of ours at the wedding was giving her alot of affection. She was holding her on her lap, hugging her and kissing her. The thing that worried me was Sara accepted this affection from someone she had just met and was giving it back to her. This was the type of affection she was giving me or Philip. Philip ended up taking Sara into his arms to take her out of the situation. She doesn't quite understand the stranger-dangerous thing or what is appropriate behaviour for someone she has just met. Afetrwards I spoke to her as best as I could about it. This hasn't been a problem. It's only happened a few times since she has been home. She doesn't go to strangers and is shy when first introduced to someone. Although Philip pointed out that the few times she has done this, she has watched us greet these people with a hug and kiss. So she probably thought it was o.k. because we did it. Another thing to think about....... I know in time she will learn about appropriate behaviour with a little guidance and love.

July 26th
Today we had an appointment at 11am at the Adoption Clinic in Mississauga, Ontario. They contacted me a week or so ago to see if we were interested in a consultation with Sara to discuss her motor skills and mental development for her age group. They sent me a package of papers to fill out which were all questions about what I have just mentioned. It was very interesting to fill out. Sara did very well in both categories and it basically confirmed that she is definitely doing great. That morning over breakfast, the most wonderful thing happened!! She began talking about how yesterday mamma got mad at Sara for misbehaving. I said to her,"Sara look at mamma". I put her face in my hands and said,"Sara mamma loves Sara even when Sara make mamma mad". She gave me a big smile and a big hug and said,"I love you....You good girl mom". We gave each other a kiss and I was totally in my glory! That was the first time she said I love you!

July 31st
Today I did "Holding Time" with Sara. I've already done this quite a few times with amazing results.This post is a sad one to read. I think Sara is beginning her healing from her past experiences. Lately she had been regressing ( pretending to be a baby- sometimes taking a soother- having me give her a baby bottle of milk etc.) a little more than usual and I was wondering why. I was rocking her in the chair and I told her how much I loved rocking and holding her. Then I gently asked her," Remember when you were baby Nastya? As soon as I said this she began to cry and said,"Da" (yes). I was shocked as I realized that Sara remembered when she was younger. She was in the hospital orphanage from birth to 1 yr. and from what I understand the babies get minimal affection simply because there isn't enough nurses to care for all the babies at once. Very unlike the orphanage she was living at when we met her. There were many caregivers. It was almost one caregiver per child. They received lots of affection. After she began to cry, I rocked her and repeated,Mamma loves you very very much, you are mamma's baby and mamma loves to rock and hold Sara again and again. Then she continued to cry even more. It was a very sad cry. I then asked her if she was sad because nobody rocked her when she was a baby. She answered," Da". She continued to cry and hold me tight with her face in my neck. My heart ached for her as she poured out the sad feelings she had bottled up inside her. I was grateful that she was doing this but at the same time I was so sad she had this experience. It is very healthy for her to get rid of these feelings so she can heal her emotional wounds. She cried for about 15 minutes straight. All the while I was also repeating "Mamma loves you very much, My poor poor baby Sara you were so sad." When she stopped crying I asked her if she was feeling better now? She said yes and then I asked,"Did you get all the "sad" out? She said, yes and hugged me and also said, "I love you......mamma bed now". I put her down and she fell asleep in 3 minutes. She was exhausted.

Aug.9th
I have continued to do "Holding Time" with Sara a few more times. After the holding time on July 31st, Sara has been telling me she loves me with so much sincerity and affection. She is also dancing and singing alittle more than usual. I'm so happy that I am able to help her to heal. She is becoming noticeably happier and care-free as the days go by. I just have to be strong, patient, understanding and loving as time is healing her wounds.
Ciao for now everyone and take care,
Gina

Pictures of Sara Anastasia !!!

2006-07-25T20:07:00.000-05:00

INTRODUCING OUR PRECIOUS SARA ANASTASIA!!! The first 3 pictures are of Sara in the Orphanage in Lugansk, Ukraine, April, 2006.
Sara just loved Mamma's lipstick! We had fun putting it on each other.
The pictures below are of Sara on her Baptism day. What a beautiful day it was! June 11th/06.
Above is our daughter Marina with Sara and this is Mamma&Papa with Sara infront of our home. Below is Sara looking at a flower and then again with her brothers Rafael & Anthony.

Below is Sara's 3rd birthday. She was so thrilled when everyone clapped after she blew out her candles! Above is when we arrived in Toronto, Canada on April 30th, 2006. That is Mamma, Sara and Rafael holding the balloons. Rafael was so proud to be walking his sister out of the airport that night!

This is our precious Sara just a couple of weeks after being home on Mothers Day. The one on the right is one of my favourite pictures because she was genuinely happy when I took the picture. I hope everyone has enjoyed the pictures!

Our Sara was baptized!

2006-06-29T21:15:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all!!
Our daughter Sara was just recently baptized. We are Roman Catholic. She was baptized on June 11th at 10:30 am. It was a beautiful sunny day. A few days before the baptism I tried to explain to Sara what was going to happen at the church the following Sunday. One week before her baptism, I took her to church mass. She did very well. She didn't misbehave. She just played with her things alittle and checked out the song books. After mass I hung around a bit and brought her on the alter to show her around and familiarize herself with everything. I showed her where she would be baptized. I explained to her that this is where Father Tad would pour water on her head and ...wouldn't that be fun!...etc. etc. For the rest of the week I would bring it up so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable on her special day.
About 2 weeks before the special day, Sara and I and her God-mother (our good friend Linda) went shopping together in the city. Our custom is that whomever are to become the God-parents, purchase the white outfit to be worn on the child's special day. Linda wanted to make sure the dress would fit Sara properly. We had a very nice day together. Sara just loved trying on the beautiful white dress and acessories. We actually chose the first dress she tried on! She looked so beautiful. Afterwards we went to Tim Hortons for a coffee and snack. Sara ended up falling asleep on our way home. She had missed her afternoon nap and was exhausted afterwards. She is a good sleeper and sleeps for 2 hours in the afternoon. At night she goes to sleep at about 9-9:30 pm and wakes up around 8:30-9:00am.

Sara's Special Day
We woke up around 7-7:30am and got ready before waking up Sara. After she woke up she had a bowl of Honey-Nut cheerios and milk. When she was almost done her God-parents (Linda & Ralph) arrived with their 2 beautiful girls. They are 3 and 4 yrs. Sara enjoys playing with them when we visit each other. When Sara has had enough of her cheerios we all head off to Sara's bedroom with cameras in hand. I'm clicking away with camera as Linda gets Sara dressed in her white dress, complete with the beautiful gold necklace that Sara's God-parents gave to her that morning. She was loving every minute of her getting dressed. She is such a girly-girl! Before going off too church (10 minutes away) I did a few last minute things for the celebration afterwards. We had the celebration in our basement that was recently renovated. There was alot of preparations this past week. Thank God for my mother and sister's help. My mom was at our place all day the day before and my sister came a few days before. There were alot of people invited. There were at least 12 children and most of them close to Sara's age. We hired caterers to do a buffet and stay to serve it.
When we arrived at the church we sat right up at the front and Sara was enjoying the mass. Especially when the choir sang and everyone joined in. She was going back and forth between my arms and Philip's arms or she would amuse herself with her brothers and sister behind us. The time finally came when we went up to the alter for Sara to actually have holy water poured on her head. Everything was fine until Philip started to lower her head down. Her face was facing the ceiling. This is the way it is done for infants. I think this caught her off guard a little and she struggled and whimpered alittle before Ralph quickly helped and the water was on her head in a blink of an eye. I wasn't expecting it to be that way or I would have told Sara exactly what was going to happen. I thought a stool was going to be used, which is what is used for older children. Next thing you know the mass was over and Sara was enjoying everyone taking pictures. We had a great celebration and Sara thoroughly enjoyed herself. She just figured that she was getting another birthday party! She was always referring to it as her birthday. We video taped the whole time she opened her gifts. She was being so good. She would wait for mamma to at least read who the gift was from before opening each gift. After opening the gift she would very happily say,"Thank-coo", followed by an attempt to say the persons name. Before and after that she was running around playing with the other children. Once and awhile she would come running to Philip and I for a hug and our attention. Almost like she was touching-base with us. I was amazed at how well she did with such a large crowd of people! I was very proud of her. She really had a good time that day. That's all that really counted.
Our bonding and attachment is coming along quite nicely. About 2 & 1/2 weeks ago Sara started to climb onto my lap and say "mamma....chair" and pointing to the rocking chair in her room. This is when I am putting her to sleep. Before this she would quickly want me to put her in bed and not rock her at all. I would then have to sit on the end of the bed or rocking chair and wait for her to fall asleep while she tossed & turned like crazy! This went on for at least 1/2 an hour every time she had to fall asleep. If I tried to leave, she would sit up and cry for me. Now I'm at the point where I rock her in the rocking chair and she sleepily asks,"mamma....bed", when she is just about to fall asleep. I put her down and I leave with no problem.
Sara is coming to me often to be held or to play with her, which I never refuse. What I find really funny is that when she is calling me to get my attention and I don't answer her right away, she screams,"mamma! mamma! coo-coo! It sounds really cute! We have also accidently come accross this game that only me and Sara play with each other. We were joking around one day with her bowl of cut-up oranges. She would say "oranges.....garbage!" and she would laugh and giggle at the silly face I would give her. Next thing you she was saying, "Nastya......garbage!". I would give this silly shocked look of surprise and scream really loud," Nyetoo! Sara moy reebyonik! Ya tybya lublu, Sara!" (No-way! Sara is my baby! I love you, Sara!) She seems to really love this and we have alot of fun playing this game. She will now scream at the top of her lungs, "Nastya(or sometimes Sara)....garbage! and I will answer, screaming like I'm announcing the love I have for her to the whole world. She also pretends to pout when she wants me to hug her and kiss her all over her face. She then motions for me to do the same (pout) and then she kisses my face all over. We are still enjoying applying cream to each others faces, arms and hands or brushing each others hair. She is also letting me hand feed her most of the time and often wants to sit on my lap while feeding her. She also having a great time with Anthony Marina and Rafael. She loves to spend time with her big brother Anthony(15 yrs old) who loves to shower her with attention. She loves it when Anthony brings her for rides on the Lawn tractor. She enjoys doing girly stuff with Marina and has often gotten into her make-up (lipstick especially). Marina got upset with her and Sara has now learned to ask,"Sara have it?... pease. Well after that you simply can't say no! She loves playing and being silly with her 8 yr old brother Rafael. They occasionally have squables but is no big deal. At the end of the day they always hug and kiss. She adores her grandama & grandpa and autie Gio-Gio, uncle Silvo and her little cousin Samantha. Samantha is right next door and they are always wanting to visit with each other. Well I guess that it for now. I hope you's all enjoyed reading!!
Ciao for now!

Continuation of May updates

2006-06-06T23:13:00.000-05:00

Hello, I'm back again to give you all more updates.
Wed. May 17th
Today we went to the city to visit with the pediatrician. We saw Dr. A. Simone in Mississauga, Ontario. I explained the best I could to Sara that we were going to a visit with a doctor. She quickly said, nyet. I told her that he would look in her ears, mouth and eyes. I said he was a nice doctor and he wouldn't be giving her needles today. She seemed to relax after that. Sara did very well. She was alittle shy and cooperated. She was weighed, measured for her height. The nurse looked into her ears, eyes, mouth etc. We talked about her history and the immunizations. We were told that she was doing quite well and was at an average level for a 3 yr old. It was recommended that we have all her immunizations done again and he also added on a few other things to check for in her blood work. He also stressed that it was very important to work on attachment & bonding because of her age. Absolutely no daycare or classes of any sort. It was important that I stay with her all the time and do everything for her. Nobody else can do anything for her expect me and Philip for the next 6 months. On our way home we sang "Old McDonalds". Sara loves this song and tries to sing along.
Thurs. May 18th
Today my sister and I went to apply for Sara health card and social insurance number. I brought Sara of course and she brought her daughter Samantha. Sara and my niece love to play with each other, even though Samantha is only14 months old and Sara is almost 3 yrs. It was a terrible weather all day! It wouldn't stop raining. Afterwards we went to a near by mall. I put Sara in a stroller. We went to Sears and I bought her a new carseat. Sara began to regress again while we were shopping. Sara wanted a soother just like Samantha's, so I bought her one and she used it right away. She also started making baby noises and saying she was mamma's baby. On our way home Sara and Samantha both passed out in the back seat right away and they looked so adorable! My sister took some pictures. This evening I also made some phone calls to invite everyone to Sara's up coming birthday party. We are also having our youngest son's communion celebration at the same time. We discussed it with Rafael first to see if he was o.k. with this and agreed to it. All he was worried about was his presents!
Fri. May 19th
Today I had a good day with Sara. She would repeatedly make a sad face with pout and all to receive hugs and kisses from me. Then I ended up kissing her all over. I started from the top of her head, eyes, ears, nose, right down to kissing each and every toe! She just loved it and wanted me to do it again. We also got ready for another weekend at the camper which we have been going to every other weekend. I think this gives her a good break inbetween. Sara seems to really enjoy going to the camper. She really enjoys the outdoors and she loves to sit by the fire eating her "fish crackers" and repeating,"Cot! Cot!" while wrinkling up her nose and holding up her hands.
Fri. May 26th
Today I'm preparing for Sara's birthday party. There will be some friends and family coming tommorow to celebrate with us. I also explained to her the best I could what was happening tommorrow. I said birthday in russian to her and then I sang Happy Birthday to her. I also said party and presents for Sara tommorrow in Russian. Then I told her that she was no longer 2 and she was going to be 3! She understood what I was saying and sang Happy Birthday to herself all day! It was so adorable!
Sat. May27th
Happy Birthday Sara!! She is 3 years old today. She woke up all excited this morning and woke up her sister Marina saying, "Sara 3! 3! while pointing to herself". I explained to her that after her afternoon nap she would have her birthday party. My mom was over helping out alot. We were cooking up a storm. My sister also came to help out too. Sara slept for only an hour. I think she was too excited. I dressed her in a pretty 3/4 length pink flowered dress. Everyone came around 4pm. There were about 4 other little girls around the same age as Sara. She had so much fun playing with them. You didn't seem to mind the crowd at all. A few times Sara asked if she could open her presents and said right after her cake. I purchased Sara and Rafael separate cakes to make it extra special for both of them. Rafael also had everyone sing, "Happy communion to you". I'll never forget the expression on Sara's face when we all sang Happy Birthday to her! She was loving every minute of it and when we all clapped after she blew out the candles she was beaming! Then she finally opened the presents. She was thoroughly enjoying herself. She ripped opened gifts as fast as she could and put some things on along the way! It was great watching her. What a wonderful day!!!!
Tues. May 30th
It's already one month today that we are home with Sara!!! It has literally flown by. Attachment and bonding have been progressing quite nicely. She seems to want to be with me more and more each day. The only thing is that she is taking a long time to fall asleep. She takes at least 1/2 an hour and wants me to sit on her bed until she falls asleep. She is getting along great with her brother Anthony and sister Marina. I've detected alittle jealousy from Rafael so we had a talk with him right away to reassure him that we love him just as much as we ever did. I was expecting it anyways because he was the youngest. They get along great and have even begun alittle bit of sibling disagreements. Its kind of funny to watch and tells me that everyone is getting comfortable with each other.
That's it for today. Until next time.........Take care everyone!

Latest update for May

2006-05-30T23:01:00.000-05:00

Hi Everybody!
I'm going to give you the news on what has been happening here at home this month. Thank God I have been keeping a journal for Sara so I can look through it and tell you what has been happening! I've been keeping quite busy with all 4 of our kids. Especially now with the weather being so nice. Working on attaching and bonding also takes up a large amount of time. She has my undivided attention all the time. The days seem to fly by. These are things that I've been doing to promote attachment:
Lots of hugs & kisses all day and everyday. Holding Sara in my arms as much as possible. Playing baby games with her like peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake. Rubbing cream on each other. She loves this and I never had such soft skin! Letting her play with my hair(brushing and putting barettes in my hair). Naming the parts of each others face and touching each one. Pointing out what we have alike , same hair and eye colour, we both have the same necklace, we both have the same clothes items, some of the same foods we like etc. etc. Singing to her. Telling her she is a good girl and a beautiful girl. Telling her things like, my darling child, you are my sunshine, you are so smart. I also get her to do simple tasks with me, like, emptying the dishwasher together and helping me put clothes in the washer and cleaning up together. I then thank her for helping me and give her lots of praise. She usually goes on saying that she is doing it just like mamma. I have done "holding time" about 6 times now with great after results. I am also the only one who feeds her, brings her to the washroom, bathes her, kisses her boo-boos and holds her. Actually this was the pediatrician's orders. He said, because of her age (not a baby) I must be the only one to do everything for her for the next 6 months. This is vitally important for a good attachment or their can be problems when she gets older. That means no day-care or activity classes either. I've also spoken and explained this to our other 3 children and they are doing pretty good. I've also explained this to my mother and my sister who are over often. They understand but I know its hard sometimes and I also hate to have them hold back. They give her just enough attention that it isn't too much.She is a delightful and kind little girl. I am so proud of her. It is trully amazing to me how well she is adapting after all she's gone through in the past and the all the changes her life has taken. Its like she has always been here.

This is what has been going on this month:
Friday, May 5th
Today was the first time I brought her with me in the grocery store. We were there for about 30 minutes. I sat her in the cart which Sara thought was just great. I could see that she was amazed at the amounts of food there was in one place. She kept pointing out the different things she recognized with excitment. She was alittle shy with the cashier when she said hello to her. She did say bye-bye to her and waved when we were leaving. I thought she did pretty good. There were no tantrums or signs of over stimulation. After we were done I thought I get her to try McDonalds. It was lunch time. I decided to go through the drive-through and eat in the car together. I think the grocery store was enough for one day. Sara took a couple of bites of her hamburger and didn't want anymore. She loved the fries! I don't know anyone who doesn't like McDonalds fries! She has also begun to repeat alot of english words. She already understands quite a bit of what I am saying to her in english.
Sat. May 6th
We went to our campsite where we have our 5th wheeler parked. This is a wonderful Park. Lots of activities for young and old. I looked up how to say camping in Russian. I explained to her that we would be sleeping there tonight and tommorrow we would go back home. I think she got alittle confused at first and thought that we were just packing and moving to another place. She went for a nice little walk in her stroller with her sister Marina. Sara seemed to be enjoying herself. At night time we went to our friends campsite because they had a fire going. She really liked sitting by the fire and eating some peanuts. Everyone met her there and thought she was just adorable. It was a little too overwhelming for her after a while. She was getting alot of hugs and kisses from everyone and I thought she was being too friendly too soon with our friends who were just strangers to her. At one point she was reaching for me then 2 seconds later she would reach for a friend of mine and then she would run to Papa. Thats when I thought I'd better take her back to our camper where it was quiet and she could wind-down. I didn't end up saying anything to our friends because I thought they might not understand and be hurt about holding back attention like that till alittle later. I'll just have to give her extra hugs & kisses and holding tommorrow.
Sun. May 7th
Today we've been home for one week! So far so good.
Late this afternoon we got a house full of people. Everyone came all at once. I was worried that it would be too over-whelming for her. She received lots of hugs & kisses and also got held a few times. For the most part she played with my friends 2 little girls. One is 2.5 and the other is 4 yrs of age. They got along great. She had alot of fun with them. It was nice to see everyone again and chit-chat.
Sat. May 13th
Today we visited our priest at the Roman Catholic church in the near by town. We went to meet with him because we wanted to discuss Sara's Baptism. He asked for a copy of her birth and adoption certificates. We've decided to have her baptized on June 11th. We will have celebration for her at our home afterwards.
Tues. May 16th
Sara's eating alot better now. She is tasting everything. Sometimes she asks to try things. She loves her fruit. Especially oranges! She likes this better than candy. She has been giving me hugs and kisses for no reason. I also did holding-time. She was kicking and screaming for about 40 minutes before she calmed down and fell asleep. After that I felt like I just had good work-out. She is a very strong little girl! She has also begun to regress. She is drinking milk out of a baby's bottle. I try to give it to her instead of her holding it by herself which is what she wants to do. I then say to her that I'm the mamma and she is mamma's baby. This seems to work and she begins to pretend to be a baby.
Well I've got to go now! I will continue updating very soon!
Bye for now,
Gina

We are finally Home!!!

2006-05-12T14:08:00.000-05:00

Greetings to you all!
We are now home as many of you already know. We are doing very well. Sara is adjusting amazingly well. We hope she continues to do so. Before I let you know details on how she is doing at home I would like to tell you how things went just before we came home.
On Sat. April 29th we had our driver Nicolai come pick us up at around 10 am. We had called Sasha to arrange for a driver that could drive us around Kiev for some site-seeing. We wanted to see some of the beautiful churchs and take many pictures of Kiev. First we went to St. Andrew's square. St. Andrews Church was amazing to look at. There was cobble-stone everywhere. There was also a small outdoors market. All the booths had many many hand-made traditional Ukrainian items. This is the place to go if your looking to purchase authentic Ukrainian things for souvenirs and your little ones keep-sakes. Many of the vendors spoke english and were very friendly. We even bargained with a few. There were hundreds of Matrioshka dolls! They were are different sizes and one was always more beatiful then the next. We bought Sara one and she just loved it. She asked me acouple of times, "Etta moy?". (Is this mine?) I kept reassuring her that yes it was hers. She gave me the biggest smile! She carried it around in her own bag. We took a little walk around and there were also a few musicians playing their instruments and a donation container on the ground. My favourite was this guy who was dressed in the traditional Ukrainian outfit and playing the "bandolin". He was singing an old Ukrainian song. We stood there for awhile and listened and video taped him. We also saw the Dnipr river, the inside of St. Micheal's church and the Mosuleum. The Mosuleum was amazing. This was built in honour of the 200,000 Ukrainian people who starved to death many years ago. It was quite the place to see! It also had an excellent view of the city. At around 1pm we headed back to the apartment and had some lunch and we rested up before heading out again.
Afterwards at around 2-2:30 pm, we met with our friend & her sister in front of T.G.I. Friday's. We hugged each other as soon as we saw each other and congratulated each other on our children. They had adopted a 17 month old boy with the most beautiful dark long eyelashes I ever seen! We had a lovely day together chitchatting about how our journeys went. We walked down Main St. Kiev again as the street was blocked off from traffic. We also walked through a beautiful park that was nearby. The weather was fantastic! It was sunny and I saw many bright red tulips in bloom. I couldn't resist taking pictures. Sara was in her new stroller which she willingly got into. She was loving every minute of it. She was quite amused with the many people walking around.By the end of the afternoon we had walked back again and we said our goodbyes and wished each other a good trip home and good luck at home. As soon as we returned to the apartment Philip fell asleep and Sara fell asleep in the bedroom. I didn't feel like sleeping so I started to collect our things and start packing. First thing I made sure of were the adoption documents packed first with our passports & tickets in our carry-on. Afterwards Philip & I did all the packing. Sara was very excited to be packing suitcases. We didn't want to leave anything for the next morning so we could enjoy our last morning in the apartment. We didn't sleep very well because we were too excited. I gave Sara a bath which she just loves. She like a fish in the water. At 10:15am Nicolai and the landlady showed up. We paid the landlady and even gave her alittle bonus. She was very pleasant and we tried to converse alittle. We got to the airport at about 11am. We went to pick up Sara's ticket first and then we waited along time before we could get checked in. We were first in line but they made us wait for 2 hrs !! Everyone was so frustrated including Sara. She was so good considering the situation and her age. She got to the point where she couldn't stay in the stroller anymore. So many times I walked back up & down the hallway and 5 or 6 times up & down 2 flights of stairs. I was trying to get her tired so she would sleep on the plane. Thank God I had packed some cookies and pistachio nuts and water in her back-pack! We finally got checked in around 1-1:30 pm! The flight went very well. Sara was so amazed when she looked out the window and saw we were moving and then going up! All I heard was, wow! Soon after she started crying because she was so tired and all she wanted was Papa. Philip was getting alittle frustrated because he couldn't calm her down. I gave Philip a lolli-pop to give to her because her ears were probably bothering her. She had it in her mouth for 5 min and passed out. She slept most of the time and when she was awake she stood up and played with her toys or visited me accross the aisle. She loved the bathroom! I think because it was little. Before we new it we were in Toronto, Canada! What a great feeling! I was getting so nervous and anxious to see our kids. We got our luggage and went to see an immigration officer to sign papers for Sara and was told that we could apply for her Canadian passport right away. So then she will have 2 passports. We started walking and saw "our crowd" waving frantically at us from behind the glass! I was holding Sara and the look on her face was priceless!! She had this look saying,"Wow! everyone is waving at me?!!". Then we were out and our 3 other kids ran up to us and we were crying tears of joy in the middle of hugs and kisses! Sara recongnized her brothers and sisters right away. More hugs and kisses their too! Sara was just fine with everyone saying hello with her. She was being shy. she started to smile when my good friend Patricia gave her a pink bear and my sister-in-law gave her a doll. Then came the balloons! She loved those! Good choice Wanda! We were so exhausted but we were so happy to see everyone again. We appreciate and Thank everyone who came to the airport!! By this time it was about 10pm or so. On our way home Sara had a blast with our oldest son Anthony & the balloons. When we got home there was a beautiful welcome home sign that the kids made and another on Sara's & Marina's bedroom door reading,"This is your new bedroom!". As soon as we walked into the house Sara gave our little dog a big hug. She followed him everywhere. She just adores him. The kids had alot of fun together before heading off to bed in the wee hours of the morning! I was surprised that Sara insisted she sleep in her own bed with Marina. They share a bedroom with 2 single beds. She's been sleeping there ever since.
I will tell you more about how our home life is coming along on my next post!
BYE FOR NOW!!
Gina Fortini

Update for the end of April

2006-05-09T20:19:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone!
I apoligize for not posting anymore. Right after my last post, we got incredibly busy running around doing the last of the paperwork before we could take Sara out of the orphanage. We didn't have time to go to the internet cafe. When we finally got home to Canada, our computer was down for a week.
About 4 days before we took her out of the orphanage, we had to take her out for a passport picture. This was her first time in the "masheena" (car). You could tell she was a little worried . As we climbed into the car she scrambled onto my lap. She began to wimper alittle and our facilitator, Alexander talked to her and assured her everything is alright. He was great with her and a big help many times. As we bumped along the road, her eyes became saucers. She looked around at all the people and cars in amazement! We all had fun watching her. When we entered the photo place she began to cry. I think she is scared of doctors because everytime she saw someone in a white lab-coat she'd cry. I think she thought she was at a hospital. Again, Alexander talked to her and calmed her down and we got great pass-port pictures. We also had to do some shopping for her. We bought her some clothing , a couple of pair of shoes and an umbrella stroller. I had brought some clothes from home and I always seemed to be drawn to size 2 or 3yrs. Which is what I brought!! It was totally meant to be! She is exactly the size of a normal 3 yr old. She is not behind in weight or size at all. I also prepared gifts for all the caregivers. Alex suggested money instead because they appreciate this very much. I had brought lots of little thankyou cards and wrote "Thankyou for everything", in cyrillic. They appreciated this very much. A couple of days before we took Sara out, we had missed our morning visit because we were trying to obtain her new birth certificate. We later found out that Sara had a tantrum, screaming, "Where is mamma & papa?!! I want mamma & papa!!!!". She had been waiting for us to arrive. At this point she has definitely attached to Papa first. She sometimes pushes me away. Philip felt very bad for me. When she does this, Papa scolds her by telling her ,"No Nastya! Mamma cry! and then she will come and give me a hug. But sometimes I could tell that she was doing it so she would not disappoint Papa. It hurt alittle, but I understand that she can only attach to one person at a time. Right now it's Philip. Plus, this is exactly what I had prayed for before. That our child would attach to him first. I was afraid he would take it to personally if she pushed him away for to long. He doesn't have my tremendous patience and optimism. I'm very happy that she attached to him first. He is loving every minute of it and can't understand why she is so attached to him so much and not me.
We had also gone to the travel agency to book airline tickets with "aerosvit airlines". We were to board the plane in Donestk and fly for 1 hour to Kiev. We were to leave on Saturday evening at 8 pm.On Friday afternoon, we visited with the Orphanage Director. We brought her the orphanage donation and a gift for her. She thanked us many times. We had a small conversation and I complimented her on a well-run and beautiful orphanage. She gave us the pictures she promised to give to us. Those were the pictures we saw of her just before we met her in the office. We had did this instead of tommorrow because she would not be in on Saturday. This was Easter weekend here. We had our Easter the week before. We would be picking Sara up the day before the Ukranian Orthodox Easter. Alex had told us that Sara's name Anastasia, means "resurection". So its seems so appropriate to leave on this day. On Friday evening Philip and I were busy packing all our suitcases as much as we could, as we knew the next day would be very busy. The next day we would be finally taking Sara out of the orphanage!! WOOHOO!!! I picked out an adorable mint green dress with pink and purple felt flowers on it. I had a pink Winnie-the-Pooh spring jacket and a white embroidered hat with silk ribbons running through it. It was complete with pink leather "mary-jane" shoes.
On Saturday April 22, 2006 we first went to the passport office to pick up your new passport at 11 am. We then went to the grocery store to pick-up a bag full of lolli-pops for Sara's groupa. We had already given them 3 bags of necessities ( clothing, tooth-brushes, socks, toys, band-aids, gummi-bears and girls hair accessories) during our many visits and we wanted to give them one last treat. I will never forget the many times they screamed, Mamma mamma!!! when we would arrive on a visit or the hugs I got and their little faces looking out from behind the second-floor windows as we got out of the car. They were all beautiful and healthy little boys and girls. We finally arrived at the orphanage just after 12pm. The caregivers said you had just eaten lunch. One of them suddenly brought her out into the childrens "dressing-room", in her arms naked. We are not allowed to bring any of there clothes. She began to dress her as I passed her the clothes, one by one. When Sara was all dressed they said she looked like a doll and Sara insisted on looking in a mirror! Before we left I asked them some questions about her schedule and Alex translated for me. They also gave me the booklet that we had left for them to write farewell messages to Sara. Some of them also wrote down their address's. Now it was time to say good-bye, so I took some last pictures of her bed and where she ate etc. They were all saying their good-byes to Sara and a few of them were crying which made me cry too. It was a very touching moment that I will never forget. We are very very grateful that Sara was so well taken care of and so loved. Afterwards we went to our favourite restaurant, "Silvers" for one last time. This was Sara's first time in a restaurant. She started to cry alittle as we entered but Alex explained where we were and she relaxed. She ate some fresh veggies, apple-juice and bread. She was great. She was quite amused at how the waiter kept appearing with plates of food! When we got to our apartment she went exploring while one of us took turns watching her and finishing packing. Sara just loved flushing the toilet and turning the lights on&off! Next thing you know our driver Leo arrived and the boys were loading up the car. We told Sara it was time to go bye-bye and she ran to grab your jacket. We had a 2 hour car drive to Donestk. Sara was restless in the car and also slept part of the way. When we arrived Leo and I exchanged addresses. We had become good friends and we were very sad to say goodbye. We were all in tears as we hugged. We will never forget him. He really did take good care of us out of the goodness of his heart. I hope he knows that he helped make our trip wonderful.
Now it was just me, Philip, Sara and Alex waiting in the airport. Sara was exhausted and restless. All she wanted was Papa. She cried on the plane and slept for 20 min. The driver that drove us to Lugansk was waiting for us in Kiev. By this time it was late at night. He drove us to our apartment that Sasha had booked for us. We had to walk up 6 flights of stairs. Sara was passed right out and I put her right to bed. We were all exhausted. Alex stayed the night and explained that the next day he would be translating all the paperwork for us. Philip & I didn't sleep very much because it was our first time with Sara inbetween us. We had a great first day together. In the afternoon Sara had a nap. When she woke up, Philip, Sara and I and Alex went to a restaurant and then we walked down the Main St. of Kiev. They block off this street every Sat. & Sun. Lots of people walk and have a nice "leisure-time". There are also some musicians and exotic animals to take pictures with. Philip, Sara & I had our pictures taken with 3 little monkeys. Sara just loved it! Sasha had also come to visit before we went out.
That evening we said our goodbyes with Alex. He was leaving to be with family. Although he said he would like to come and see us before we left. He made such a difference in our stay in Lugansk. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way! We are really going to miss him.
On Wednesday we were with Sasha all day. First we went to visit the Canadian Embassy. We had to finish filling out the Sponsorship papers and papers for Sara's visa. A picture is needed for this and we had to get Sara's picture edited to a pure white background because it was beige. After Philip & I signed some papers, we were told to come back at 4pm and everything would be ready. While we waited we went to a near-by fancy restaurant. Philip had to help feed Sara and keep her busy. All she wants is Papa. I finally sat back and laughed. I said to Philip, "Now you know what I went through with our 3 kids at home, when they were little. All they wanted was mamma, mamma, mamma!! Philip's response was," Ya, but I don't have as much patience as you!" He said this with exasperation! Oh well! I said, laughing. Afterwards we finally received Sara's visa that needs to be signed infront of an immigration officer at the airport in Canada. This means we could have come home any time. We arrived in Kiev on March 27th. We found Sara at the NAC on the 28th. We met her on March 31st. We went to court on April 11th. We took her out of the orphanage on April 22nd. We received her visa on Wed. April 26th. The whole process took 4 weeks and 3 days. WOW! Thats pretty good actually. We ended up leaving on Sun. April 30th. On the Friday night before we left, we had dinner with Sasha at the italian restaurant we went to everyday. Its attached to T.G.I Fridays. We like it alot better. Food is great, english menus and the waiters speak english. We had a nice dinner and one of the other facilitators joined us. He came with us to our apartment and we gave him a gift in appreciation for all he had done for us. Thanks to him we have our Sara today! We hugged each other goodbye. We are so glad Sasha was our facilitator. He seems to be very well connected in the NAC.
During the week we were getting the opportunity to bond with Sara. We have been calling her Sara-Nastya alot. She repeats "Sara" all the time. She hadn't been eating to much because she has a runny nose and a cough. Plus this must be overwhelming for her. She likes to eat bananas, peach yogurt, tea biscuits or animal crackers, bread, apples, sweet tea, cucumbers and soup. I haven't figured out how she likes her kasha (oatmeal). She is also learning some english words very quickly. Philip has also, sort of, stepped aside alittle, so Sara & I can have some bonding time together. He doesn't want it to be too hard on her when we get home because I will be the one at home all the time. By the end of the week she wasn't pushing me away hardly at all. We had alot of fun together. Especially when I mention the bath. She loves it!On the first bath, she couldn't whip her clothes off faster! She was like a fish in the water! It was great! We also got in contact with the lady from Ottawa, Canada a few times on the phone. We had a very pleasant time with her and her sister on the first couple of days in Ukraine.She had adopted alittle boy from Kiev. She was accompanied by her sister on her journey. We decided to meet at T.G.I. Friday's and spend the afternoon together. We were dying to meet each others children!
I will tell you all about our meeting and our flight to Toronto, Canada on my next post!
Take care all!!

4.5 Days Left!!

2006-04-17T05:52:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone!
We are counting down the days! Philip is especially getting home sick. I'm alot more laid back then he is, so I suppose I'm handling it better then him. We are planning on taking a plane to Kiev from Donestk this Sunday. It will take 2 hours by car to arrive at the airport in Donestk and then the plane ride will take only an hour. We will do the rest of her paper-work there. This week we will be buying a few things for Nastya-Sara like shoes and clothing and an umbrella stroller. We also want to buy some gifts for the care-givers. We will also leave behind a booklet so each care-giver can write down a farewell message to Nastya. I think she would probably enjoy reading these when she is older. I'll just have to get them translated.
These past couple of days Nastya has been alittle mischevious with us. I guess she is getting more comfortable with us and has begun to test us. A few times she has run-away laughing (indoors and outdoors). Today I expressed my dislike to this and I don't think she liked this too much. When we were inside bringing her back to her groupa , I was helping her undress and get changed. She would not stop being uncoroprative so I used a tone of voice that made her understand that I wanted her to stop. She started to push me away and butt me with her head. I decided to hug her and kiss her all over. The more she did it the more I showered her with affection! All of a sudden she looked at me and gave me the biggest hug around my neck that I ever got! It was great! I have a feeling that she was not expecting affection in return for bad behaviour. But it worked!! I will do this all the time. She is getting along great with Philip. She loves playing with him. Sometimes he will pretend to cry and she will go running to him saying "Papa Papa, Awww Papa!" and hug and kiss him. She also loves to be held by us.
Well I guess thats it for today. Until next time............... Take care everyone!

Happy Easter!

2006-04-15T05:30:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all!
We just read all the comments. Thanks again. We look forward to the enjoyment of reading them. We would like to say Happy Easter to all our family and friends back home. We hope you all have an excellent weekend with great weather. We may go to church tommorrow. We are looking into it. Today is 7 days left of the 10 day wait and then we can do Sara-Nastya's papers. We are having pleasant visits with her. Although she is beginning to test us alittle by being mischevious. Yesterday morning was great. We walked around the orphanage grounds alot. Nastya kept guiding us towards the back storage garage. She led us to a car. She pointed and said,"Masheena!"(car!). I said pointing, "Masheena?.....Mamma ee Papa ee Nastya??". Nastya then said, "Da! Da!". (Yes Yes!) .......Well looks like we are not the only ones who want to go home! She did this couple of more times throughout our visit. Yesterday we also had a beautiful day full of sun. All the caregivers were outside cleaning up, gardening and painting. They made the grounds look great. They really do take good care of the orphanage.
Hugs and kisses to all!!
Especially, Anthony, Marina & Rafael!! XOXOXOXO

8 more days left!

2006-04-13T07:31:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone!
Thankyou for all your comments. Today we are having a great day. We even did alittle shopping. I was dying to buy at least one pair of funky shoes! You should see the footwear and clothes the ladies wear over hear! Everyone wears 3 or 4 inch boots with pointy toe in all colours of the rainbow. The clothes the women wear are not all in black. They are all very fashionable. They look like they take pride in what they wear. The men wear all black or dark grey. Speaking of colour.........I never seen so many bright colours of hair on women in my life!! They are certainly the "ornaments" of Lugansk! The weather today is just wonderful. It is +20 today. It is too hot for a jacket. Everyone is cleaning up there yards and the grass has come up. All the trees and bushes have budded. I am waiting for more greenery and colour from flowers to appear before I take pictures around the city. I will certainly have to take pictures of the roads! They are horrible!! There is barely any roads without huge pot-holes covering them. Our roads at home are heaven! Our driver Leo drives slowly and all over the roads from left to right trying to miss as many as the pot-holes as possible. There are also tons of stray dogs here! In all sizes. You can often hear them in the distance barking loudly while basically attacking each other. Thank God they keep there distance. We feel very safe here because we have Alex(facilitator) with us all the time.
We will shortly be leaving for our afternoon visit with Nastya-Sara for a couple of hours. It is almost 4 pm. Today we have 8 days left to wait from the "10 day wait" that began the day after court. After this we can finish up her paper-work. We have booked a flight on a plane to Kiev on a Sunday. I will definitely not take a car ride again from Lugansk to Kiev!! I'm surprised my back is still intact! We couldn't put Nastya-Sara through that. I suppose later in the week we will be able to guess more or less when we will be leaving for Canada. I can't wait!! Although I will miss Ukraine. We have met alot of wonderful people that have made our journey fantastic. Well I guess I'm off to see our daughter..........Oh! That sounds great to say!!! I have butterflies in my stomach!

Hi kids!
We love you so much! Right now I'm imagining giving you all big bear hugs. I miss terribly cuddling with you's at bed time. We are ALWAYS thinking about you all. We miss you lots!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

We've gone to Court!

2006-04-12T10:38:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone!
Yesterday morning we had gone to court! Thank God thats over with! Philip was so nervous! He did not sleep well the night before. On the other hand... I felt a calmness inside (most of the time) that everything would be just fine. I had been praying for a long time that when it came time for us to go to court, it would go quick and smooth. Thats exactly how it went! It took only 15 minutes and the judge was very pleasant. We ended up having our adoption hearing in the orphanage inspector's office in another building. Not in the court house at all. It was alittle more cozy and not so intimidating. The people present were: Philip & I, our facilitator (I'm going to call him Alex from now on), the orphanage director, 2 of the caregivers whom stood as the witnesses, the orphanage inspector and the judge. He asked Philip to stand first and he asked him about why we want to adopt, why Ukraine, how many chuldren at home, is this your first marriage, about our income etc. Then he asked me to stand and asked me a number of straight forward questions. That was pretty much it and then he announced that he was in agreement for us to adopt Anastasia. Everyone congratulated us before we left the room. Philip and I were so happy and relieved! We hugged and kissed and then Philip announced "O.K. I need a cognac now! Everyone laughed! Philip and I, Alex and our driver Leo went to a restaurant called, "Silvers", to celebrate. We all had a couple of rounds of vodka. (Silvo- I'll have to show you how they drink it hear! We can't wait to celebrate with you!! Ha! Ha!) This is the specific restaurant that we go to everyday for dinner and sometimes a coffee or lunch. They have excellent coffee, food and service. It is very clean and has the best washroom! They also have english menu's. The day before court we did end up 10-pin bowling. Philip, me and Alex played a few rounds and had a good time.
We are still getting along great with Nastya. She is very happy to see us when we come for the visits. We give each other lots of hugs and kisses. This makes me sometimes miss giving Anthony, Marina and Rafael our hugs & kisses. We wish you's were here with us. We miss you so much! We are getting closer and closer to when we will be together again!! We can't wait! We are trying to teach Nastya how to say her brothers and sisters names. She is already saying a few more words in english. She is a very fast learner.
Today she had her medical examination at the orphanage. We had Doctor Galina fly in from Kiev. We paid for her flight and hotel. Nastya was very worried and started to cry alittle. The examination went very well. She explained everything to us and said that Nastya did and does everything a child should do at her age. She has no delays. Wow! You have no idea how very grateful we are that she is in great health! We were not expecting this at all when we first met her. Boy, God is amazingly good! Everything I have prayed for over these past months is all coming true. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to all who have said prayers for us. Well I guess I'd better go. I will try to post pictures on our blog in the next few days. Bye for now!...........

She has started to attach!!!!

2006-04-09T06:11:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone!
Thankyou for all your comments. I wish I could post some pictures of Nastya on our blog. I'was only able to send a few pictures to our family. We should be able to post pictures at the end of this week. Tommorrow our facilitator is supposed to receive a phone call confirming that our court date is Tuesday. Hopefully it will be Tuesday so it will be over and the 10 day wait will begin. He also received the papers that were looked at by the NAC via our facilitator in Kiev. It was sent by train. This gives us permission to go ahead with court and to go ahead without anyone present from the NAC. We also got the application to fill out for permanent residency in Canada. There is an extra form attached with Nastya's picture on it. It is a form that the doctor has to fill out, basically stating that she is healthy enough to fit the Canadian medical standards in order for her to enter Canada.
We are having a great time with our facilitator. We always try to have a good time whatever we are doing, which makes it hard to feel stressed. We couldn't have asked for a better facilitator. Last night we watched one of our many movies (Transporter #2) together. Maybe tonight we will go to this restaurant that has an attached bowling alley! I couldn't believe there is a ten-pin bowling alley here! We plan on having a few games. Our driver Leo will also join us. We'll see how it goes!
Today we had a good day with Nastya. She no longer cries when she see's us. Today she ran into our arms screaming "mamma, papa!". At the same time we heard all her groupa screaming, mamma, mamma!! and looking through the glass on the door. Many times we have gotten big hugs from the kids in her groupa. The only difference now is that Nastya gets upset and jealous. She screams, "Moy mamma ee papa"! (My mamma ee papa!) It really feels great to see her do this. Phil and I are just beaming and the care-givers are giving us their "thumbs-up". Today when we were bringing her back she would repeat, nye groupa, nye groupa, nye groupa! (no groupa!) Philip was trying to put all the stuffed animals back into the big bag and Nastya said a big NYET! (no!) and dumped everything back onto the floor! Eventually she let us bring her back. We are so happy that she loves to be with us. Her crying was actually a very good sign that their will be a good attachment with us. The crying is apparently a sign that she is attached to her care-giver which in turn means she will eventually have a good attachment with us. We can't wait to come to our 3 other kids at home. We are dreaming of the day when we are together in a total of 6!
Hugs & Kisses to all........until next time............

Updates on our journey

2006-04-07T07:08:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all!
We had another great morning with Nastya. We have been outdoors all the time on these past few days. It is getting warmer and warmer. Soon we may not need our jackets anymore. We are so greatful for this beautiful weather! This morning we decided to bring our photo album and the ornaments that have our childrens picture and voice message on it. Nastya looked at some of the album and would always point us out. She especially liked the ornaments. She played with them for quite a while. She kept pushing the buttons over and over to hear Anthony, Marina and Rafael's voices. She also started to repeat the little messages that her new brothers and sister recorded. She is a very fast learner with things she is very interested in. In this aspect she reminds us alot of our older son Anthony. We can see her blending in perfectly with Anthony, Marina and Rafael. She will be able to keep up to you guys with no problem! Well......come to think of it, you guys may have trouble keeping up with her!! Ha Ha!! She is a joy and alot of fun to be with. We can't wait for you all to finally meet.
So far, all the paper work seems to be in order now. Our court date is for Tuesday. There is a chance that it may be happening earlier, which is Monday. That will happen only if the paperwork is done sooner then expected.
Until our next post..............Take Care!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Things are going Great!

2006-04-06T07:10:00.000-05:00

Hello All!
I apologize for not posting alot sooner. We have been doing a bit of running around these past few days. There was just some papers needed in order to finally receive a court date. Always remember, when you are in Ukraine- "Expect the unexpected". This is so true! Well everything seems in order now and the NAC received our papers today. Our facilitator says, that maybe we will go to court on Monday or Tuesday. Hopefully we will find out today. We are very anxious to keep things going. We are having a woderful time with our facilitator and our driver. They are both great people and we are happy and grateful that they are with us. Our driver is actually quite funny! He knows how to speak english, which makes a big difference. He is a local and knows all the best restaurants. Philip was hoping to lose alittle weight...HA! That plan went right out the window! Hee Hee! The food is excellent. We sometimes make our own meals (usually dinner) in our apartment.
About Sara, Nastya (this is short for Anastasia and this is what she goes by).
Things are getting better and better with Nastya. Everyday, on both visits, she would start to cry when we entered the room. Then after alittle while she would come down and play and laugh with us. Our facilitator would help us out when she cried. He would play a peek-a-boo game and just be silly. Nastya would eventually kill herself laughing! Well guess what?! On April 5th on our afternoon visit we found her outside with her groupa and she willingly came to us with NO crying ! What great feeling. We had a fun time with bubbles, stickers and a ball. She has found a new interest......Mamma''s lipstick and hand cream!! She keeps putting it on me and even on Papa. She wipes it off and puts it on again. Same thing with the hand cream. We had a good laugh when she didn''t quite get it on our lips. She is certainly a girly girl! Our daughter Marina at home and Nastya will get along great. She has also spoken a few english words too. She says, one, two, three, lipstick, cream and Papa is teaching her to say, "I love you". When it is time to go, I say "groupa?". When I said that she gave us a pout and said,"Nyet groupa" (No groupa). Then she went on saying something like "I want to stay with Mamma & Papa". Well, we just totally melted right there !!! What an excellent end to the day. The care-givers told us that she has waited looking out the window holding the doll we gave her. She apparently talks to the other children about us. The care-givers here are very friendly and pleasant ladies. They are always smiling and were always willing to help us with Nastya when she was feeling alittle over-whelmed. Oh yes! I almost forgot, Nastya is at Baby Orphanage No.2. It is very well kept and very clean. We are impressed and grateful that Nastya was well taken care of in the past couple of years. Well I guess that is it for now. I will try to post more often (if nothing else comes up).

Thank-you Bill for the "bar accessory"!
Many, Many thank-you's to my sister Giovanna and her hubby Silvo, my Mom&Dad, our good friends, Karen&Dan, Wanda & family , Ralph&Linda and everyone else who have helped to care for our 3 children at home!!!!! You have no idea how much we appreciate this. We are confident that they are in good hands! We would also like to say that we would do the very same if given the opportunity, without a second thought. We miss you's all so very much. We think of you everyday. Big hugs & kisses to Anthony, Marina and Rafael.

We found our Sara!!!

2006-04-01T05:08:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone!
Wt are at an internet cafe right now. It is a beautiful spring day today. We are so thrilled about finding our Sara. For now we call her Nastya for short. She is a darling little girl and very healthy. We spoke to the director briefly(very pleasant lady). The day we met her (Mar.31st) the director brought her in and Philip & I had tears in our eyes. She was very shy and started to cry alittle. We have seen her 3 times already. We visit her twice a day. Two hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon. The care givers have been helping her to feel comfortable with us. We are being very patient with her. After our first visit was over, we both got our first kiss right on the lips! This morning one of the caregivers told me she was waiting for us and she also said she would be going far far away with her mamma & papa. Today before we left our morning visit we each got kisses and big bear hugs goodbye and she said that she wanted us to come back. I think things are going pretty good for the second day. She cried a couple of times but thats o.k we know this is difficult for her. She is a very smart cookie as a few times she would pretend to have to go pee-pee or poop when she was feeling overwhelmed. She has lovely light brown hair with a bit of a curl and dark-brown eyes. She also has a very contagious laugh. She actually reminds us of our youngest son Rafael. She will definitely get along well with Anthony Marina and Rafael. She loves hair accessories and barbies. She also loves drawing and colouring. I guess that is it for today. I'll tell you the name of the orphanage on my next post. I can't remember what it is. I can't post any pictures yet, until after court. We miss you all very very much. Philip & I would like to personally thank all of you who posted messages. We read them with tears in our eyes. It means so much to us. Until next time.............Hugs & Kisses to all !!!!!!!!!

We are here!!!

2006-03-28T06:42:00.000-06:00

Hello Everyone!
We finally made it here in Ukraine. We had a great flight and we were even 1/2 an hour early. The flight was alittle over 9 hours long and we had great food. I apologize for posting late. There are just so many emotions running high and I didnt even think to use the computer. Right now Im using the computer where we are staying. It is inbetween a hotel and an apartment. It very nice and clean. The ladies here are very friendly. I have already begun to try to speak alittle Russian......well inbetween hand signs and a few small phrases we understood each other! Our facilitator had a "VIP" waiting for us in the airport. (thank God!) It was kind of funny because he only knew afew english words and I knew only know afew Russian phrases, but he was a big help. We would have been totally lost without him. H ebrought us right outside and we met our facilitator. He was very pleasant and we had a nice conversation in the car. Shortly after we settled into our room, we met a wonderful lady and her sister. She is doing a single adoption. They are from Ottawa. We have had many great conversations and we have been basically supporting each other. When we arrived in Kiev, it was raining lightly and all the snow is gone. In the evening we watched a movie and tried to fall asleep. We were both very nervous about the next day at the NAC. Philip was alot more nervous then I was and didnt end up having much sleep. I slept quite well. For some reason I felt this calmness in the middle of all these emotions. Well that was yesterday..........

This morning we had an appointment at 10:30am. We waited in the famous "long hallway". Boy were we nervous. We were finally brought into a room with about 5 other couples. They made us write down and sign a paper saying we were aware of the adoption process having a temporary close due to the old ministry finally moving to the new ministry. This apparently will happen after this Friday. They also told us that if we didnt choose a child to meet today that it would be very difficult to obtain another. PRESSURE!!!! was certainly on! After this we were brought into another room and shown a few albums of children, but they all had medical problems that were not correctable. Mine and Philips hearts were sinking as we thought we would not find our Sara. After being there an hour we finally came across alittle girl! She is going to be 3 on May 27th. We will travel after tommorow to meet her! We are so happy. We will be travelling to Lugankts.(look it up on the map) I know I spelt that wrong! It is 900 km away from Kiev. We will be travelling by car. We cant wait to meet her! I am so glad we got over this hurdle!

Hi kids! Looks like mom and dad found your sister! I hope no problems arise. Please say a prayer that she will definitely coming home with us. We miss you very much. I wish you were here. Be happy because we will be home as soon as we can. Just think about how much fun we will have when we get home with little Sara! Oh I almost forgot! They call her Anastasia! That is one of my favourite names! Tommorrow we will have a phone number with us so we can talk alot on the phone. We send you lots of hugs and kisses and we love you Anthony, Marina and Rafael. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

2006-03-25T16:55:00.000-06:00

Test

One more day!!!

2006-03-24T23:03:00.000-06:00

I can't believe we are finally leaving! I'm so excited and nervous ! Philip is especially nervous! I pray that everything so smoothly and quickly. Your prayers would be so very appreciated. Right now we are praying for, finding our little Sara right away, the process going smoothly and coming home as soon as possible. I've talked to our adoption agency a few times now and apparently our facilitator has already booked our apartment for us. He also confirmed that there would be no more appointments for April. I also asked about the possibility of this Ministry transition causing delays for us while we are there. He seems to think we will not be affected by it. I hope so !!! We are looking forward to finally holding our little one in our arms. At the same time I hate to be leaving the kids behind. I'm really going to miss them. Tonight Philip and I had a bunch of our good friends come by to say goodbye to us. We had a good laugh,good conversation and a glass of wine! Boy did I ever need all three of those things. I didn't realize how stressed out I really was! Thanks so much guys for coming by. I would also like to thank my niece & her boyfriend for coming by and many many thanks to all of those coming Sat. evening! This simply makes the beginning of our travels more memorable.

Well we are about 3/4 packed. We now have to pack the majority of our clothes which I have already laid out to pack. We will be rolling all our clothes as apposed to folding them. This gives you more room to pack things. It really is difficult to pack lightly for this journey but we are almost done. The next time I post we will be in Ukraine. Look out Ukraine here we come! WOOHOO!!!

I'm Back!

2006-03-19T21:16:00.000-06:00

I finally got back from Florida today! Whew! What a long drive home. I think I was just anxious to get home as soon as possible. We have only 6 days before we leave!!! I still can't believe we are actually going. Everything is happening so fast! We had a great time with the kids in Florida. We all got burnt to a crisp. We still had fun anyways. We travelled with some good friends of ours. We visited with my parents and my sister-in-law, her sister and daughter came to spend a whole day with us and it was great. There were so many children of all ages. I couldn't help but watch kids that were about 3 or 4 years old. I would daydream about the little girls being our child and thinking....maybe she has dark hair and eyes or light hair and eyes or maybe a mixture of both! I enjoyed watching them very much. I tried to also study the Russian language with my booklets and C.D.'s. Especially on the long drive there and back. I also went onto FRUA to see if there was anything new happening. Apparently there has been a new law passed in Ukraine that gives the old NAC jurisdiction till the end of March. The New Ministry takes over on May 1st. It seems like they are going to use all of April to do the whole transition over to the new Ministry. Everyone (including me) is worried about how this will affect people who have end of March appointments. I suppose we should prepare for any delays. My understanding is that April is to be used to finish adoptions for people who are in Ukraine at that present time. I pray that ours will be done before the New Ministry takes over. I will really have to concentrate on leaving all the worrying to God and just trust in him totally. Things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to in order for us to unite with our daughter............Sara.

18 More Days!!!!!

2006-03-08T20:46:00.000-06:00

Hello All!
Wow! We have just 18 more days till we leave for Ukraine. I'm getting more anxious as each day passes. Some days I feel totally terrified and other days I feel as giddy as a young school girl. All I pray for is that Phil and I get through this in one piece (emotionally). I pray that we find our daughter right away and the process goes smoothly and quickly. This week I have been going crazy trying to wrap things up and do as much preparing as possible. Call me crazy.......but we are going on a mini-vacation to Florida with our kids, Anthony, Marina and Rafael. It will be their March break (1 week) from school. We are all looking forward to this trip. We want to have alot of fun with the kids before we leave for Ukraine. We will be gone for so long. We could be gone from 4 to 6 weeks. We are really going to miss them. I hope they will have a good time with all who are caring for them. I hope they won't be too much trouble. I am so grateful that we will be receiving support and help with the kids from family and friends. You really get to see who really and honestly care about you and your family. Anyways, now I'm getting all sappy on everyone. I've been feeling alot of "sappiness" lately too. This reminds me of when I was pregnant with the kids and I would change and feel different emotions like crazy!
Well we are off to Florida on Friday morning. We will be driving down. We will be back on the 18th or 19th. This will certainly speed the waiting time up!
Today we had the last of our needles. Phil is very happy about it because he can't stand needles. If he can avoid it, he will! We had the 2nd needle in a series of 3 for protection against Hepatitis. The 3rd needle is done in 6 months.
I suppose the next time I post will be after we come back from Florida. Unless I come in contact with a computer down there. Until next time ....PAKUH!!

Plane Tickets

2006-03-03T17:51:00.000-06:00

We received our package today! Yahoo!!
We received the package today from our adoption agency. We now have our plane tickets, travel insurance and our original notorized documents. We will be hand delivering the documents to our facilitator when we travel to Ukraine. Oh my God! I suddenly felt a "surge" of reality hit me! Just looking at what I just wrote and seeing the tickets infront of me.........we are really really going!! Today makes 23 days before we leave. (didn't I just write 33 days somewhere???) WOW! This time is flying faster then I thought. I better start writing down a list(s) of things I have to do, so I won't forget anything. I also will be starting a second journal for our little one. The first one begins at the very beginning of our journey when we first decided to adopt. In the journal I wrote about every step we took including what we were feeling and how we felt about different things. The second journal will be all about our travels, when we first met and basically what we felt and all about what went on while in the Ukraine. I really enjoyed writing in a journal because it helped me alot with the rollercoaster of feelings I had in our journey to Sara.............

March update

2006-03-02T20:16:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone!
Not too much going on right now. There's just alot of preparing! Well I guess thats because we have 3 children at home and they do often keep you on your toes! All I'm worried about is making sure our kids are taken care of when we are gone. This is my only big worry. I'm really going to miss them. I can just see me blubbering away in Ukraine because I miss the kids terribly and they'll be here having a blast with everyone! To be honest....I hope it will be that way. It will make it even worse if I know the kids are missing us too much. This week I plan on placing 3 separate calendars on the kitchen wall so whomever is with the kids will know exactly what is going on with there agenda's. I'll also be cooking up a storm making pre-cooked meals and filling up the freezer with that. I'm trying to make it as simple as possible for the wonderful people staying with our kids. We are so very greatful for you all!!! We are also very happy for everyone who will be with the kids on the weekends!! I'm sure this will be a fun distraction! Thankyou everyone!
Today I received a phone call from Elena at the adoption agency. She told me that our plane tickets, travel insurance and original notarized documents (she sent copies to our facilitator) were all ready and she sent them by priority post today to our home address. We also talked about the director of the NAC . She spoke to our facilitator today and he said that she is apparently in Spain! Nobody understands why she has been gone for so long! It is very frustrating for everyone because she is the only one who can issue appointments. It doesn't make sense at all. I also have a favour to do for our facilitator. Apparently he gives a cell phone to the adoptive parents to use during the whole trip.This makes for easy communication. Well one couple forgot to return it before coming home and I will be bringing it back! Talk about a travellin' phone!! Well I guess thats it for today!

How it all started

2006-02-27T22:53:00.000-06:00

February 27th 2006

Hello Everyone!
Welcome to our BLOG! This is our very first post. I've been having alittle bit of trouble getting this started. I'm not much of a computer wiz! Next thing I would really like to do is know the easiest way to post pictures and maybe personalize it a bit. We are planning on using this so it makes it easier to communicate with our kids, family & friends when we are in Ukraine.

How it all started.........I think back and can't believe all the things we had to do to reach this point! Right now we have an appointment on March 28th at the NAC in Ukraine. We received the wonderful call from Elena at our adoption agency on Feb. 8th 2006. I still can't believe we received the call! We have been waiting for a year. I just got so used to handling the stress of waiting!! We will be leaving on Mar. 26th on a direct flight in business class with Aerosvit Airlines.
We are all so anxious to bring our little Sara home. Our three children are looking forward to finally meeting their new sister. I pray that God will give us the signs to make us see who he has chosen for our daughter. In saying that, I truly believe that this is a call from God...............
Adoption has always been a childhood dream of mine but I thought I was just not capable or emotionally strong enough to do it. As I grew up adoption always seemed to come up in my life....almost like a reminder, so I wouldn't forget about dreaming of actually doing it. Eventually I met Philip, we married and after 3 years of marriage I got pregnant with our first child. We had 2 more children which are all about 3 years apart. For some reason the topic of adoption in general would always "sneak" into our conversations. We both felt very positive about adoption. We simply think it is just another wonderful way of receiving the gift of a child. We've had the privilege to see first hand at how successful adoption can be. My good friend, who is God-mother to our 1st son had adopted a wonderful baby-girl years ago. We treat her just like she is our very own niece because this is how we truly feel. Apparently she is very excited about our adoption journey and we are so happy that she feels this way. We can't wait for her and little Sara to meet!
One day, back in January, 2005, Philip and I were talking about the horrible disaster (the Tsunami) in India. We were very saddened about the many orphans . Out of the blue Philip turns towards me with a serious look on his face and says, " You know, I wouldn't mind bringing one of those kids here and raising them as our own." Right after he said that the most strangest feeling came over me and I simply said,"You know, I would seriously do the same thing!" Thats all it took to get the ball rolling! Before this we had talked about getting pregnant with another child. Although I secretly wanted another daughter, I refused to get pregnant. I was afraid of past complications due to being pregnant, would return again. We never actually talked about us adopting until that January day in 2005. We spoke with our children right away and they were excited and curious about the whole process. They asked all kinds of questions and still do. We encourage them to do so. We basically got our blessing from the children which was all we needed!
Before I knew it I was emersed in information-galore with my computer and then the dreaded paperwork began and never seemed to end. The worst part of all has been the never ending wait! I can honestly say that adoption for me, so far has been more difficult then having children biologically. Adoption is NOT the easy way out. Reading many books on international adoption and reading the many informatve posts on FRUA chatline has made it alittle easier.

Today I spoke with Elena at the adoption agency and she said that by this Thursday our updated documents (that they were notarizing) should be ready for pick-up with our plane tickets. She also said that she spoke to our facilitator today and mentioned that we wanted to stay at hotels instead of apartments. This is mostly to do with safety because Philip is alittle concerned about this. Our facilitator advised that this could become very expensive. He suggested putting us in a high-end apartment with a security-guard on each floor which would be alot less in price. We decided to go with the apartment. I can't wait to see what it is like!!